ali's wedding

a few of you have asked about ali....
no, she hasn't gotten married yet.
i think in that post, i said that all of my sisters will be married by the end of the year.
ali and jaycob will be married in aug and i can't wait!
it'll be so beautiful.
i really only posted nina and dan's story because i was involved & she was in ghana so she couldn't share her good news. these aren't my stories to tell.

a few of ali's shower details are featured on sussy's blog.

yay! weddings!!!

tips from housekeeper hill

you guys, i'm obsessed.
kristan turned me on to tilex and it is magical.
settle down, hippies. i know it's not organic, but i have 20 yr old grout in the most mildewy/moldy climate ever and neither fantastik with bleach nor mr. clean magic eraser could get the mildew out of my grout.

i sprayed it on and without touching it, it disappeared.
it's probably insanely toxic, but i'm allergic to mold so i think it's the lesser of two evils.
plus, i LOVE clean.
i also was a dummy and it accidentally sprayed & bleached my cool tank top....
live, learn.
maybe i should just spray it all over and go for tie-dye.

it's magical.

and my house smells nice and bleachy.
don' t you love how i just wrote "house?"
ok, my live-in closet.

well, it's now clean.

physique 57 winner!

congrats, natalie! (great name!)

please email your information to me @ mormoninmanhattan@gmail.com and i'll hook you up with physique 57! 

and to the rest of you, GO TAKE CLASS! be sure to tell them that i sent you ;)!

vegas jersey revisited.

after i left jersey boys, i needed to give it some space from my life. 

months later, i just ran into my sweet friend deven & original "frankie" jly, had a nice chat with my girl nikka (who i LOOOOVE- also megan!) and i'm ready to finally post some of nikka's pix from vegas land. 

with all its ups and downs, we had some rad times in vegas. 

 the jersey girls singing at a cabaret night

faugno's final show. meg giving awkward family photo hand.
can you believe nikka (the gorgeous supermodel asian was supposed to be our daughter?! haha!)

 filming top chef masters with the gorgeous merissa who i replaced as "mary"

 i'm creeped out on another level by these guys.

 thanksgiving dinner with our love, Q, at simon's restaurant at Palms Place.

 jersey girls performing at a convention @ mandalay

 megan's birthday brunch with subsy, rob sapp, max von essen & my show bf, chris.

 loving their cotton candy

 prom pose new years eve with Q
who hooked me up with 5th row center john legend tix.

 toasting with diet coke and an iphone. the usual.

 nik as katy perry & me as mckenzie from "toddlers and tiara's"

 love these girls!

 with the amazing thunderbirds and the major general!

 meatballs at lavo!!!

faugno was my fav kisser.

 just jousting at the ren fair. two seconds later we got in trouble for riding those noble steeds.

this turkey leg was beyond disgusting.

the "angels"- my final show. sure love those ladies and miss them terribly.

low 5!

hope you have a great day!

red lipstick: a cautionary tale.

this is my absolutely stunning, gf, c.
she wore her rocking (and staining) red lips...
and met a cute boy...
and smooched him a bit...

oh boy.

moral of the story: if you have the slightest inkling you may see your crush, stick to a neutral lip....

{ the bachelorette - emily } finale!

ok, dolls. 

i think this'll be jef for the win. 

i'm armed with nosh and sprinkles cupcakes and my girls for this big event. 

1. oooh chris, such relevant condolences...
2. wait, why are they back in curacao? no other tropical local would take her?
3. the rickster is working a fanny pack.
4. please tell me somebody is doing the curacao drinking game!
5. just jef-one-eff walking down the street. what? was he dropped off at the corner?
6. ooooh the double flower move. well played, j
7. is emily's mom a man? or her voice box just a male transplant?
8. she's gorgeous. 
9. jef-one-eff is such a little boy. 
10. this is a very convincing speech. 
11. em's mom has had a lotta work done. 
12. brother certainly hasn't had any work done. 
13. jef-one-eff is such a phony empathizer. "that's a great question" talk is driving me nuts. 
14. why isn't jef dealing with the dad?
15. oh.. here we are. 
16. looks like jeff is wearing FRESH rose chapstick and a touch o'the bronzer.
17. emily really loves an effeminate man. 
18. that arie is very euro. 
19. awkie.
20. they hate him already.
21. emily doesn't even like him. 
22. this is so obviously a jef-one-eff home run. 
23. i'm sorry, how does she look like that and her bro looks like this?! obviously she has a new nose and new teeth and a new face!-LP
24. can't anyone give arie a freaking powder blot?!
25. what's all that creepy laughing in the background?
26. oooh arie. overly confident!
27. arie's confident walk to the corner to get picked up. 
28. i'd love to see emily's old teeth. bro could use some veneers.
29. i love that the mom is wearing a full mumu. that's my ideal housewear. 
30. that bizarrely large bridge pool bridge!
31. jef-one-eff is SO damn dramatic. 
32. emily got a fresh lip injection before this ep.
33. j has a lotta product in that hair.
34. please tell me something surprising happens and she doesn't pick jef-one-eff.
35. this poor kid. to have to deal with this?!
36. as if this wasn't already planned. they're already outfitted in pool wear. 
37. ew. creeper pear thru the window. 
38. ricky looks like her uncle- LP
39. so they're not in the pool with the child cause em doesn't wanna mess up her hair and makeup?
40. this magic music behind jeff's confessional is so strange. 
41. poor jef just 20 questions trying to engage. 
42. little boy body. 
43. what's that necklace?!
44. em's hair is up. makeup perfect. 
45. jef-one-eff's sincere voice is killing me. 
46. j is fried. 
47. she's in deep smit. 
48. what is that cheesy forearm tattoo?
49. em's a bit tipsy. 
50. jef  must be dying that his side hair is getting so long. 
51. well this is a much more expensive and fancy scrapbook than we've seen in years past.
52. just two outsiders. two lone wolves finding comfort in each other. 
53. she is smashed.
54. you guys, -a caveat- i'm in another mood. i hate everybody today so things may get snarktastic. 
55. that was a weird pec series. 
56. you know emily isn't just walking into the rain in that white dress.
57. the standing in the rain shot is so teenwolf. 
58. oh no way! they DO make her walk thru it. 
59. who CARES!?! I DON'T CARE WHAT THESE SUPERFANS HAVE TO SAY!
60. wait, i'm confused. why doesn't she have a date with arie?
61. sooo.. what does she want?
62. she wants chris to dump him for her?
63. isn't she supposed to keep up this charade till the final rose?
64. well, em. take a xanax and grow a pair. 
65. oooh arie is a lamb to the slaughter!
66. oooh oooh no. 
67. don't let him keep talking!!!
68. i can't watch this false hope.
69. you just keep waiting, arie. 
70. wooooah. they stepped up the ominous wind chime foreboding music. 
71. what a way to enter, em. just looking like you're about to vomit. 
72. he's just way too cheerful.
73. good for you , arie. 
74. just keep moving. get out of there. 
75. what do you want, emily?!
76. seriously, this is the most humane way to do it. 
77. why are YOU crying, em?
78. and IN goes the camera guy, ready for confession. 
79. poor arie. 
80. emily's forehead is still not moving. 
81. a was not emotionally prepared for that. 
82. probably for the best. 
83. cause they gave arie the boot so soon, they're vamping for time with all of these old has-beens.
84. woooah! white dress has a slamming bod!
85. remember when jp was at my shake shack party?
86. sweet curler clip in that hair, em. 
87. i wish she'd caught ricky coloring ON the couch. 
88. mother/ daughter free-writing journal time?
89. his tan pants are so tight that you can see every one of his fingers thru the pants. 
90. i really do like emily so much and i'm happy that she'll have his cool fam as a support system, but i feel weird about them together.
91. is this the "real" neil lane line? or the budget jeweler line. 
92. curler clip. 
93. gross open mouther. 
94. lotta product placement these days. 
95. his hair is killing me. 
96. she just seems so much older. 
97. i love that dress.
98. lips are too pink. needs a peachier color.
99. what's with the curling iron curl in the back?
100. her hair should be up with that neckline. 
101. this is the most un-sexy proposal post we've ever seen! why aren't we on a beach somewhere?!
102. this little stage is so strange. 
103. wait, what? why wouldn't she be able to do it?
104. if that suit fit, it'd be a slam dunk. 
105. nice stop and re-adjust, j. 
106. is that a horse ? or group laughter?
107. why is the lighting always terrible during proposals?! don't these people know when the good light is?
108. oh j is so scripted!
109. wonder how long it took him to memorize those lines. 
110. oooh what a sneaky voice over trying to persuade us to not believe she'd accept the proposal. 
111. oooooh that's the studio audience?! weird. don't do that again, bach peeps.
112. really? this is the theme song?
113. she pats him like a child. 
114. why is ricky in heeled wedges & why couldn't she be in a co-ordinated dress?
115. shocking secrets?! what could shock me?!
116. emily, extensions are just too long. 
117. that ring is pretty major. 
118. woooah! those extensions are TERRIBLE!!!
119. LADIES, if you have stenchies, make sure you keep a bit of curl so you can't see them. 
120. trashy.
121. fire that hairstylist, girl. 
122. poor arie. 
123. arie looks a lot hotter with that much makeup on. 
124. how COULD you think about anyone else, arie? she's the only girl there....
125. unless you're thinking about boys.
126. i respect arie for flying out.  but did he really think it was going to re-start?
127. you left your journal?! that's weird. 
128. please, no. 
129. no dramatic readings from arie's journal. 
130. they really are stretching for time.... 
131. i'm glad she didn't read it. 
132. that is nuts. 
133. that boy got a LOT more grey hair...
134. also fire that hairstylist for letting us see that hole in his head.
135. the bottom line is I JUST DON'T LIKE YOU, arie. it's really not you. or it is... i don't like you. 
136. this whole arie/jef thing is weird too....
137. just keep it moving and let it go, arie. 
138. oh please, em. you had the biggest pack of losers we've ever seen.
139. he really does love her. 
140. sweet utah accent, dude.
141. eew. i hate men in tank tops.
142. she looks like she's going clubbing in that wilderness pic.
143. i'm sorry, you people. i still can't get behind jef. i feel like he really just wants to be famous. 
144. of course he's a good speaker. he wen't on a mission. 
145. that 2 yrs gave him a lot better coping skills than any of those other guys had...
146. i'm sorry, but didn't we JUST WATCH THAT PROPOSAL?!
147. are you hearing this, men?! all you need to do is say really nice things to a girl and even though you're a skinny jean wearing tween, she's yours. 
148. oooh cheesewad. "this is the first thing i want to do...."
149. nice plug for people water. 
150. j doesn't live in SLC. he lives in pleasant grove. 
151. good. he should move to NC.
152. he's loving this fame. 
153. you're not a girl! you've been engaged 80 times! you have that thing planned!- LP
154. her pinterest board must be nuts. 

well, kids. this was my most highly anticipated season and the biggest let down for me. 

i really do hope they make this work. 

i like emily. a lot. 

bad extensions/botox/fillers/veneers and all. she's a sweet girl and i hope this is a good thing for everyone. 

what do you think, kids?

and who is the next bachelor?

Physique 57 tips + GIVEAWAY!

some of you may remember that i used to be an instructor at physique 57 & barre las vegas. 
it really changed my body and made me so much more confident in my skin.
i'm STILL getting lots of emails about my recommendations re: physique 57.
since returning to nyc, i've made it my mission to uncover the best barre method studio.
i've visited for 10 to 30 classes at each of nyc's top 5 barre studios.
before i outline my discoveries (i have one more class left), i've found that a few key elements (from an instructor's point of view) can enhance any barre experience especially at physique 57 or thru using their dvds.

• physique 57 is FANTASTIC at shrinking your body overall but most specifically thru "trouble spots"....  thighs, hips, abs....
• to see great changes, you should practice at least one hour 4-5 times/week. 
• often, because of the intense thigh work out, you may feel like your thighs are slightly bigger. in the beginning, your muscles may swell as a reaction to the intensity but after about a month, your muscles with shred and lean out. 
• when attending class, stand in a spot by the mirror so that you can keep an eye on your form and it'll be easier for you to watch the instructor demonstrate. 
• with barre workouts, form is EVERYTHING. remember to always keep your lower back tucked under while doing seat work. dancers often like to release the lower back because that's proper ballet form, but isolating the muscle is more effective when you keep the hips tucked under. getting your leg higher is not the objective. isolating the muscle is generally best accomplished by small movement. 
• don't forget to wear your grippy socks. 
• always stay hydrated. remember if you're practicing daily, to drink cocoanut water to replace your electrolytes. 
• listen carefully to your instructors instructions. at physique, we talked fast but were incredibly thorough in our detail. it's all to intensify your workout. 
• remember, smaller movement is usually better. when doing flat back/round back exercises, make the range of motion smaller all-around to really focus on the abdominal form. 
• often, in your seat work, your standing leg will shake and you'll feel that side more intensely than the leg you're actually working. that's normal. standing for 3-6 min is strenuous but bearing weight is building bone density and making you stronger. the stronger you get, the less you'll shake. 
• when beginning practice, especially at physique, the muscle soreness is intense. i remember after my first class, i couldn't walk down the stairs. i recommend coming the NEXT day to keep your muscles moving and warm and to prevent lactic acid buildup. 
• i like to work out first thing in the am. if i've showered or put makeup on, there's no way i can motivate myself to sweat thru a work out. 
• invest in workout clothes that flatter you. if you feel like you look good, you'll work out harder and be more committed to continuing your program. i know good workout wear is expensive, but when you invest in quality, it will last. i'm still wearing the first pair of lululemon pants that i purchased 7 years ago. 
• physique 57 is a really really great non-impact workout that lengthens the muscles and is fantastic for rehabilitating injuries. i healed my knee pain by strengthening the thighs and am really helping my back injuries by strengthening my core and back. 
• i recommend barre method workout to people of ALL fitness levels and ALL ages. 
• weight bearing exercises are proven to increase bone density while building lean muscle. get into it. 
• physique 57 is totally safe to practice pre & post natal as long as you have your dr's permission. certain exercises should be modified, and keep a check on your heart rate, but IN a prenatal class, you're 100% safe and the physique instructors are very very qualified to handle your injury or pregnancy modifications- i should know. the training is intense. 
• 
  
• when i'm practicing physique 57 for 4-5 days/week, i don't need to do any other cardio workouts. 
• girl to girl, refrain from wearing light grey pants.... eek. the sweat stains are aggressively embarrassing when they show thru your pants in that color...
• you DO NOT NEED TO BE A DANCER to be good at physique. i've taught many girls who considered themselves uncoordinated and they've had no problem keeping up or feeling like they're doing well with the method. 
• push yourself. take the instructor challenges. 

physique 57 is offering a sweet giveaway! 

you can win either your choice of either their awesome

thigh and seat booster DVD

OR

one class in either their NYC or LA studios. 

simply leave a comment (before next friday) telling me your FAVORITE thing about your body and why you'd like to try physique 57! 

or TWEET me: "@natalieKhill my favorite body part is_______ and i want to try @physique57 because__________. "

for your chance to win! 

you'll be addicted! 

uncle bill & aunt donna

{me. the REAL real housewife of NJ, julie. the REAL real housewife of OC, donna]

once upon a time, my mom set my dad's best friend, bill, up on a date with her best friend (and brilliant hairstylist), donna. 

years later, they're married, they're so cool, they're family, and i love them so. 

aunt donna always gives such sound advice. i really love spending time with her and uncle bill. 

i just love their cool friendship with my parents and that they include me with their friends when they come to town. 

i feel so lucky to have such a supportive extended family. 

living in nyc is grand. 

everyone comes to play. 

love you, waites!

today....

i feel like this. 

for no reason and every reason. 

this epic heat makes me feel like i'm suffocating. 

everything i think i know about people / auditioning / men seems not to be true....even my girlfriends man dealings are completely baffling to me. 

and i'm just over it. 

ugh.

{ the bachelorette - emily } men tell all

sex-u-al.

blah blah blah men tell all is usually boring....

but, let's see?

1. bad hair, em. bsd strings &color
2. these ry  highlights are great
3. this wine experience is making me love her more. 
4. oh that damn egg. 
5. no. no!!!! how did this egg moment not air originally?! 
6. hilarious.
7. oooh no!!! that accent!
8. ew. the creepy brothers. 
9. bachelor pad: what a pack of losers. i'll be watching (obviously) but i'm taking a break from writing about it. they're all hideous.
10. how sweet is sean. 
11. girls are ape for him. 
12. he'd better be the next bachelor. 
13. what is happening with travis's woody woodpecker hair?!
14. these recaps are boring. 
15. that arie doug impersonation is classic. 
16. ryan looks like the pirate king. 
17. i love the celebration and he had no idea when he left..
18. chris is wearing "girl about town" lipstick from MAC.
19. oh hell. those pink pants are killing me. 
20. he WAS offended by a lot of things and he looks like he's gonna pop him. 
21. that ryan really is a pretty boy. 
22. kalon's mouth is moving but i'm not listening.
23. tony on the spot!
24. kalon and ry have SO much makeup on. 
25. drag queens.
26. i'm so distracted by that horrible silver smokey eye. 
27. kalon's face while watching this recap is one second away from torching that entire studio.
28. waaait... isn't that guy kalon's friend who is calling him out?
29. kalon is slow. idiot. 
30. that sean says all the right things. 
31. (douchebumps over kalon)
32. now that we've seen it all, i like ryan with a 2 day scruff. 
33. non dracula fang shaved beard. 
34. oh i forgot about that tony moment. we knew he was off at that pont. 
35. ryan is just "drunk uncle" from SNL.... dont you think, shavs?
36. he looks oompa in that light. 
37. i'm desperate for a bench clearing fist fight. 
38. ry looks like an old wolf man. 
39. yes! i'm loving that ryan is getting ribbed. and he's just digging himself deeper. 
40. it's so good. 
41. i sort of want him to be the next bach. he'd be good tv. 
42. randy quaid is  just shooting daggers. 
43. if this was the real housewives, we'd call it the "evil eye" and brooks would go after him. 
44. bobble head is so nasty. 
45. wife beater.
46. you're right, bobble head. yolo, buddy! yolo. 
47. i wonder the same thing, chris harrison!
48. this is making me so upset watching sean!!!!!
49. he's a doll. 
50. i'm loving the tears!
51. love the dress. hate the extensions. 
52. YOU CAN'T USE THE SAME LINE, CHRIS! - laura 
53. ok! "open the eyes?!" they both said that 4x!- laura
54. poor doug. he really didn't get it. 
55. kalon did NOT find humor in that. 
56. ouch!
57. loved that she nailed him. 
58. YES! nice politician line!
59. good girl, emily! hit him. 
60. he's so gross. 
61. "i'm flattered you follow me on twitter."
62. great. 
63. yes! prada shoes and rented helicopter. 
64. i like her so much. 
65. ryan's winks are sooooo smarmy. 
66. he's gonna be working a velour lounge suit, gold chain, and beer breath in a hot second. 
67. he's gonna do that [sweet talking] to every waitress and girl he comes in contact with. 
68. i like her. 
69. jeff's leggings on that sailboat....
70. wooooah that back tat is serious. 
71. i wanna talk to alejandro about getting lost in translation. 
72. cute bloopers. 
73. i don't know who most of those guys are. 
74. oook. that was boring. 
75. sorry, guys. i wanted a fist fight. 

who do you think it'll be? i'm thinking jef. 

oy.

bridget jones who forgot to leave her cinderella slipper - part II

part II.....

read part I here

so i couldn't get this one off my mind....
it's rare that i'm really excited by someone...no.. more rare that i respect someone artistically and socially.

so i decided to reach out- something i've NEVER done before.
i don't chase.
i knew i couldn't ask my TriBeCA friends for his email- obviously, that'd be a hugely unprofessional breach in confidentially for them and i was honestly so embarrassed that i was even thinking of emailing him that i couldn't tell them.

so i got it another way.... don't worry about those details ;).

and wrote a quick little quippy note that basically followed up on about a few things we had talked about,  congratulated him on the success of the film & casually threw out that if he was ever in nyc, i'd be down for a drink or to see a show.... easy, breezy, beautiful.

terrifying.
what if he was furious that i wrote on his personal email?!

come on! who wouldn't find that flattering....

wait! what if he thinks i'm a super fan.

i've never been so bold.

i generally have a policy that if the man doesn't have the chutzpah to come after me, he's not going to go after life.... and that's a turn off.

so i sent it.

and waited....

a week later, my heart throbbed and my stomach dropped when i saw that he'd responded.

it was a short email.
kindly thanked me for my email and said he didn't plan to be in nyc in the near future....
then signed off.

which was a relative blow off ...but not humiliating.

but wait!

there was an addendum:

p.s. be sure to like (the film's) facebook page and check it for updates!

vomit.
vomit.
vomit.

he just relegated me to the league of superfans.

i'll never get over it.

i'm going into hiding.

two shows. two casts. two cities. .. in 24 hours.

 the end of june was nuts for me. i was performing in that showcase which was .... interesting, to say the least... and rehearsed for an event i did in boston on my nights off. i was crazed.

i finally said goodbye to that character who did nothing but steal other girls' husbands and belt really high but i really miss that cast. they were fun cats.

some of my very patient and supportive friends came to see the show. thanks to gabe (one of the greatest directors i've ever worked with) and tricia (one my favorite people on earth) for making the trek.

 and i love having our sweet utahn, rachel, in the big city.

 we get into loads of interesting conversations late night over cheese and crackers in a courtyard with pretty fountains.
look at g & t with their dual pointers.

 then the next am at 6 am (after a 10am show and late night play date) i picked up the weekly news and hit a train to boston..

 ...where i performed for a wildly lavish party at the mandarin oriental that had a red carpet entry..... ha...

 with some of broadway (and SMASH's) biggest stars-- who happen to be hilarious, fun, smart, and giving people.

 we sang lots of songs...

and i had to learn tricky harmonies & sing with one of bette midler's harlettes (my girl kyra) and shannon who has the best legs (and careers) on broadway.

 i had to wear this interesting disco/jester/gay pride stretch mini which was nearly impossible to put on and off with my curls and fishnets getting in the way.
i was stuck.... a lot....

 i had a blast with these people. these gigs are my absolute favorite. just amazing performers singing  our faces off and staying in killer hotels in fun cities.

and in true glamorous broadway form, i hopped on another early train and froze to death on the way back to nyc...

a full 2 wks of shows and a 24 hr trip to boston.

i love to be busy.

RYAN INNES { giveaway- winner! }

congrats, the LaLa!

please email me your color choice & mailing address @ mormoninmanhattan@gmail.com

and for the rest of you, go download ryan's stuff & buy your own bearded man t-shirt!

#weloveryan!

bridget jones who forgot to leave her cinderella slipper.

i'm not always so smooth when it comes to dating. 

i'm really really good when i'm not that interested, but if i'm actually entertained or impressed by someone, i can make a few missteps. 

thankfully, that doesn't happen very often... i'm mostly so bored by male options. 

however.... 

at one of the tribeca premiers,
i was smitten with one of the directors after watching his q & a.
he was young(ish) yet older that i, geekily handsome, artistically awkward, had very close ties to musical theatre royalty (i mean that literally) & directed a really lovely little film.
after the film, i met my friends at their world premier party and fell into a really fun conversation with him.
well, fell.... kind of ... i actually approached him (which i never do) after hemming and hawing for about 15 min and was eventually pushed into him (literally) by a good friend.
i had met his father previously and used that as an opener...
finally, we chatted and even though it was his big moment and should have been all over press people, tribeca execs, investors, etc... he seemed pretty focused on me. he was witty, i was witty. he loves theatre, i love theatre. we had a million and one things to talk about and it seemed like the interest was mutual.

g, the director of tribeca programming, needed to run to another 2 parties and since i was her guest, i felt that i needed to hit the road when she said jump.
sooo... mid convo, when they needed to leave, i just said,

"it's so nice to meet you! gotta run! best of luck on everything!"
i didn't want to look as if i was all over him and if i had stayed, it would have looked too eager.

he was a little flustered (from what i could tell....i never even gave him an opening to ask for my number or anything..) and i ran off....

and then realized that i had left my other friend to talk to him in my wake...

i quickly turned back to her and quickly said "goodbye" (i couldn't get her into the next party),
turned to him, grabbed his arm and said,

"i like you so much! buh-BYE!!"

in a most bridget jones-y way.

then ran to the street.

smooth, natalie. smooth. way to play it cool.
just the clumsiest reaction ever.
i like you so much?!

what is wrong with me?!....

i'm cinderella who forgot to leave her slipper.
i ran out, humiliated.
we had a really solid laugh over that one.

......but that's not the end of the story......
wait till you hear part II.

{ the bachelorette- emily } time to enter a convent, girl.

you guys, sean isn't THAT perfect.... 

he's a body builder with white hands and an insane spray tan. 

vim.

first of all, shavs, i love you, but you're delusional if you think california style has all that on utah girls..... i'm a utah girl, you idiot. also, i've seen some pretty offensive "shade" abuse, horrendous stenchies, polygamy clothes, etc.. coming from the west coast. 

also sad that audra and i both missed the overdubbing of jeff's absent parents explanation. hilarious. 

1. we should have a drinking game with how many times she says curacao. 
2. really, producers? none of you noticed that her hoop was too far thru her ear?
3. scary long cleavage in that gold dress flashback. 
4. i like sean. i don't think he's her first pick but he should be...
5. do you think anybody DOESN'T say they only want to get married once?
6. i like to start all my dates with, "i want to get married a few more times. you interested?"
7. you guys, i don't buy jef-one-eff. 
8. that letter was everything she wanted to hear and it seemed so freaking phony. 
9. she's clearly more obsessed with him than the other guys. 
10. oooh yeah, remember when arie played "belle?"
11. i would like to give arie some concealer for those chin zits. 
12. this is a fresh faced confessional for emily... but don't they have powder on CURE-sow?
13. i'm not a fan of that bubble gum pink lipstick with that rough hair color. 
14. she needs her colorist on set. 
15. lovely sand handwriting 
16. baaaahahahaha! the "?" that gets swept away by the tide.... so dramatic. 
17. my friend, kate, wore that dress the other day. so cute. 
18. she looks adorable in those little white shorts. 
19. sean is so matchy!
20. is that an american apparel deep v, sean?
21. i'm sorry, but where i come from (hellsea) the boys who wear deep v's like boy parts. 
22. but a better color on his pink skin so i'm pleased. 
23. she's totally bored with him. look at her face!
24. love the magenta beach towel. 
25. poor guy... wish he could wear sunglasses. 
26. ooop. this conversation is SO awkward. he's getting sent home. 
27. he's dying to snorkel cause this is so effing boring. 
28. "going so perfect." this woman is a genius. 
29. suntan/burn doesn't mesh with pink lips. ladies, take note. switch to a golder tone. 
30. go sean! one upping jef-one-eff by going for the daughter letter!
31. i love that dress on her. 
32. she's not into him. 
33. ahahaha. that awkward slow hand that reached out to a strange straight arm finger tip thigh touch. 
34. notice how she says he'll "love HIS wife," etc.... not love ME.
35. that hotel looks like a disneyworld marriott or something....
36. wonder how many different bikinnis she has. 
37. why doesn't he scoop her up?! like REALLY hold her?! such awkward distant hugs and strange pecks. 
38. is this a bachelorette first? she's sending him home?
39. GO GIRL! a girl with morals!
40. this is exactly what i'd do if i was the bachelorette. 
41. ooooh he's so sure about it. 
42. jef-one-eff has an interesting jaggedy hairline, no?
43. inspired by ricki's cornrows, emily is trying the one braided hairstyle. 
44. just the two of us and a crew of 50!
45. how many times does she say "there's no one else i'd rather be with."
46. this girl is bananas for this kid. 
47. she talks to him like she's his babysitter. 
48. he's a classic manipulator. 
49. "do you think i'd be a good parent?"
50. he drills her on things to make sure that he holds the power. 
51. listen, i've been in that relationship...
52. what is that hipster cursive tat??
53. what a lovely cliche masterpiece analogy. thanks for that. 
54. she's nuts for him. 
55. i hate that bikini. 
56. yeah, sean is going him. 
57. i loved angenette's itimization: my choices would be 
    1- Arie
    2- Jef
    3- Convent
58. i died laughing. 
59. but i'd take out jef...
60. maybe i'm biased, but i've heard too many sleaze-ball stories about this clown trolling thru utah to get behind his jive. 
61. ooooh! that's a fun sequin dress...
62. with a 4 inch cleavage line... which makes her look like a granny. 
63. lift and separate those girls. 
64. jef's romantic/spirit-chal whisper voice is annoying me. 
65. manipulative question, jerk. "if you're so great, why are you here, emily?"
66. love that turquoise ring.
67. she's into his money. 
68. that's the only way i can wrap my mind around this. 
69. of course you can't see the end goal, you're too busy sexing half of provo. 
70. good answer, jef-one-eff. 
71. i think they hashed this decision out pre & off camera.
72. ok, this suite is a little more tribal/fun. 
73. everything is annoying me right now. 
74. arie isn't scared of anything because "anything" in this case is referring to dolphins... and dolphins aren't scary, you idiot. 
75. sorry, you guys. i'm in a MOOD tonight. 
76. grrrr..
77. please no dolphin/love analogy!
78. ari's hair is a sweet mushroom shape right now. 
79. love love love this dress/belt. 
80. the long necklace can go. 
81. too much.
82. please! SOMEBODY mop up the grease on arie's face!
83. the button down henleys are pretty gay, you guys...
84. obsessed with this dress, kids. 
85. arie is super euro which often comes across as gay... 
86. he has realistic ideas about how to integrate the kid. 
87. after meeting his parents, i couldn't do it. 
88. hmmmm... funny that she didn't even talk about it?
89. even knowing she wouldn't do it... 
90. being around arie's fam would be terrible; always being hit on by dad and talked about in dutch by mom....
91. fun sparkle mazy! but you KNOW that has to be an oven under that!
92. her veneers are even more obnoxious when her hair is pulled back. 
93. poor girl. shave those things down!
94. chris's "yeah's" are really saying, "run away with me."
95. i'm bored by this interview... keep it moving harrison.
96. "private/personal" messages that we're sharing with our viewers.
97. this girl has had a whole lotta botox. 
98. she's even crying and i can't see any movement. 
99. bummer to have that mic pack as a hunchback.
100. this scripted message from jef coupled with that homosexual scoop neck is really killing me. 
101. not that there's anything wrong with a homosexual scoop... when you're courting another homosexual. 
102. tiiight khakis , ar. 
103. absolutely no movement from brow to hairline..... spectacular. 
104. harrison has the coolest job ever. 
105. sean is totally going home. breaks my heart.
106. yup. i was right. 
107. even more heartbreaking that 30 min ago he said he was confident that he was winning this thing. 
108. are the bug noises hurting your chakras like they're hurting stella's and mine?
109. it's like hot needles in my ear! 
110. yowzah!
111. that sparkle situation has a train?! how fierce. 
112. oh don't try to empathize, jef. 
113. id have been happier with less necklacing with a skirt that busy.
114. this is a good acquiescing speech, sean. 
115. this is a good man. 
116. definitely the next bachelor. 
117. i can't wait to watch him as the next bach- he'll be boring as hell but maybe his zany family can implement some more sweet pranks. 
118. this car speech is really heartbreaking. 
119. been there, sean. 
120. he's also crying because his eyebrows disappeared in the sun.
121. this ep was boring... we all knew what was going to happen. 
122. excited for the men-tell-all. hope they're still all on their periods. 
123. ryan is going to be great. 
124. love arie's out-takes "meh!"

baby, you're a firework!

nyc is generally a ghost town for the 4th. and with this year's holiday sitting mid-week, it feels like most of my friends took the entire week to hit the hamptons, fire island, or the cape. 

nobody does Independence Day like provo, utah, but we sure did our best effort in the nyc and had a blast!

i made an awesome fresh peach/strawberry crumble bar (courtesy of audra's blog: recipe here)
while i blasted  country music (which always makes me a bit homesick)

 then i popped over to new friend, achelle's amazing apt where i met cosmo carly (above) and the rest of her crew for an outstanding 4th of july party!

 before the crowd came, i snapped a pic of the cute decor and my amazing starting-the-bbq skills-- see? who needs men!
i take that back, once the boys showed up, i passed off my skills to them and let them handle the meat.
they needed to feel important.... ;)

 AMERICA!!!
( i know i'm breaking the wrist and my v should be further forward- former cheerleader- but i didn't wanna ruin a's cute poms and they wouldn't stay up!)

 lucy the brit made this ironic cake.
aren't the star sprinkles gorgeous?
it was a surprise when we cut into it. she has skills!

stella awaiting the bang (it was straight up vietnam in her poor little heart after the firework show) in her patriotic dress courtesy of L (who always provides the clothes and other fabulously ridiculous accesories).

 we can see the fireworks from my apartment window (see why i never want to leave?!) but i hit the roof to be more festive (and hot..yuck)

 cause we had a BIG pack of girls and boys... pretty new friends!

my favorite fireworks are the gold woolly mammoth and bibbity-bobbity-boo shimmer fireworks 

hope you had an awesome 4th of july!!!