minding the gap

"in new york, 
you can have a great job, 
a great apartment, 
a great companion, 
but not all three."


carrie bradshaw {sex and the city}


or any of them, in my case. 


that's right.
i got the ultimate blow on a particularly rough day that my landlord of 5 years is selling my beautiful, unobstructed view of the hudson, corner of the sky.

so that leaves me jobless, homeless, and with no one to call mine.
freaking carrie lies. i thought i could have 2/3....
i'm 0 for 3. gross.

to add salt to that wound, i found out that NY state is taking a HUGE chunk of my tax return because i worked in a tax free state and they feel it their duty to tax me as if i was living in nyc. is this the feudal system?! good hell.

it's not been my week, friends.
not at all.

see, i always thought i wasn't good with change.
i think i've said that on this space. but the more i think about it, the more i realize that i'm pretty swell with change. i can go into any new life and have a happy go of it. it's the gaps in between the changes. it's the limbo that's breaking my back.

i don't really "mind the gap"... as they say in the british transit system.
instead, i fear i'll fall thru the gap and allow the train of change to run over and over and over and over me.

as i was walking to meet subsy (unintentional subway reference), i ran into a sweet stagehand who i knew from my GREASE days. as i expressed my fear and anxiety over this situation, he stopped me and said,
(in his sweetest brooklyn accent)

"nat-Lee!!! aren't you a God-fearing woman? aren't you a good Christian?"

me: "well, yes, johnny. you know i am.

him: "then you're not supposed to worry! let HIM figure it out. this isn't your problem! relax! He'll take care of it!"

ok...
yes.
that.

i'll do that.

so i'm gonna keep my head high and not mind the gap.... i'm gonna take that step over the abyss (scary) knowing that my Heavenly Father is walking me (over the gap) onto a really cool subway car- hopefully new, with a dishwasher, bags of money, and a wonderful man waiting for me to take a seat.....

and in the meantime, i'll try to forget the gap by watching general conference
and continue to wish i could eat my feelings.... WRONG week to diet, kids. but at least my ripped arms are a small consolation for my sadness.....woof.

general conference

is your heart hurting?
do you wonder if God loves you?
do you wonder why there is so much suffering?

you should watch or listen to
my church's general conference.
you'll really be glad you did.

it's my favorite part of spring.
i need it.
massively.

can't wait to hear God's instruction just for me.

i don't do the "d" word.

if you've been following me on twitter & instagram (@nataliekhill), you already know that i'm cranky as hell about being on a diet.

first of all, i don't believe in diets. i seriously haven't dieted in 7 yrs and i've had (what i consider) a really healthy relationship with food for the last 3 yrs. 

see, i was really tired of all the space my body image was taking up in my mind. 

it was constant. 

and like most girls, i've struggled a lot with my body. 

so i decided to find a workout that toned me and increased my metabolism in a way that i could eat what i please- WHEN i please.

plus, i'd rather be a few lbs up and happy than 7 lbs skinner and miserable. 

i'm one of those girls who doesn't do restriction. so when you tell me i can't have a french fry (which i don't normally crave), i'm going to have an insatiable desire to shove all the fries mcDonalds can make down this gullett. when i can eat whatever i'd like, i (usually) listen to my body and only have enough to satiate me. 

HOWEVER, 

while i took my 6 wk break and stopped dancing and nyc walking and went thru a break up (i've only LOST weight with ONE break up, dangit!), etc... and started EATING everything utah and my mom had to offer, i grew a cute little muffin top and bumped up a cup size. 

nothing super major- like 5 lbs- but on a 5'3" frame, i felt it. 

naturally, 2 former bf's said i've never looked better... real men love curves- but i just wanted to feel great in my clothes. 

normally, i can get that off in a few weeks once i'm back in the city, but i have the time to dedicate to losing so i hopped on this diet (which you're supposed to implement for your life) for 2 wks. 

our family friend, tracy has seen amazing results and now coaches people thru it and i thought, 

i have nothing else to do, why not do this diet. 

i felt good about it because it's 

protein heavy

veggie (not root veggie) heavy

dairy free

sugar free

&

carb free.

it makes sense to me.... 

 y'all... i forgot how hard this is.
seriously.
hats off to anyone who diets.
the first day was sheer misery (MOSTLY emotionally... i just wanted everything i couldn't have)
and the rest of the week was pretty breezy...  my sugar cravings settled and i found that red meat was my best friend when i needed to satiate. the food on the diet is surprisingly good and eating so many fresh veggies is awesome.

but

it's really hard to be fun when you're on such a restrictive diet...

these are my hunger games treats.... woof. 

so much of my going out/dating revolves around food....

and on a bummer day like today, i'd pretty much kill for nachos, a chocolate malt, a chocolate chip cookie and a pizza...... in one sitting. i really want to eat these feelings. 

but i've seen pretty dramatic results in just one week (i don't own a scale but i'll get back to you when i find one and weigh myself) with the way my clothes fit... so i'm gonna keep with it for one more week. 

so yeah, that's the story. 

this is hard. 

harder than i remember. 

but i'm the master of my mind and body, right?

one more week. one more week. one more week. 

for more info, contact tracy. 

seeing the latest...

i've been lucky enough to be gifted tickets to a bunch of fabulous shows lately.
i FINALLY saw spiderman... patrick page was completely brilliant, reeve carney is great and the special effects are sooo cool!

carrie made me cry.
seriously. i was so moved by the brilliant performances (including by my girl, sese)
and the music was really really cool. i'm still thinking about it. *not for people sensitive to language

i FINALLY saw the fantasticks (ridiculous, considering i've did "louisa" a hundred years ago)

because my fb, ed (who is all OVER the kathie lee & hoda show as a voice for the straight male) is playing el gallo. he was fantastic and the show is so sweet. 

ugh! this broke me. 

this was so beautiful and so simple and the cast (all-around) is just bananas. all of the actors play the instruments and it's just directed so beautifully. i can't say enough about how much i loved it!

now i'm hoping to see
evita
seminar
newsies and
porgy and bess soon!

what do you have on your list?
go broadway!

blowing sh*t up in the desert

while i was in utah, one of my oldest friends, D, invited me to 

(in his words) "blow sh*t up in the desert."

we started our adventure at this place called Cabela's which completely horrified me (not a fan of taxidermy) and thrilled me... i was dying to dress head to toe in camouflage and jump out and scare unsuspecting customers. 

i've never felt more like a city mouse.  

D even packs heat on his leg.

naturally, i had to wear a coon skin hat for the event. 

i swear it looked like i was on set for 24...soooo many guns... 

d mixed his own explosives and we packed a tv full then shot it to explosions. 

(see, i shoot electronics- not animals)

i shot this .50 caliber Barrett which i'm told is used to shoot helicopters out of the sky....

it HURT. LIKE. HELL... seriously. 

i was surprised that i was straight up "annie oakley" with my shot accuracy. look out! 

i also shot an M16 and that gangsta hand gun.... it was both the scariest and strangest feeling...

not necessarily for me, but i had such a good time and hey, it's a life experience, right?

and like you do, i hurt my shoulder so much that i ended up in chiro...

small price to pay for living, right? 

right?!

imaginary cities "ride this out"

i'm completely bananas for this song.
my friend (thru subsy), jendel ,is a major big wig at GLAMOUR & she posted the interview about it here 
it's all about a girl waiting for a guy to call... the tempo change gets more manic and anxious and ...
well, isn't that exactly as it happens?

i can't wait for it to be released.

utah - according to instagram

took forever to upload, but FINALLY, a look back at my time in utah thru the eyes of instagram.

 i got my hairs did (highlighted) and i got to have a voice lesson with my best gal, gayle lockwood @ byu.

attended about 6 byu basketball games & really missed jimmer

ate loads of deer valley cookies (the ONLY place to ski & eat in my opinion) 

had a lot of great ski days with my mom

ate it a few times.....

re created some of the 1996 les miz in concert with cute ashley for my Syd's benefit concert

checked out the new orem high school - which i didn't like at all. i'll take mine with aesbestos and b.o. smell, thank you very much. 

ate loads of doritos backstage with dallyn vail bayles & chris higbee who are just stupid talented. 

utah- part 2

ate a LOT of in-n-out ... usually around midnight..

remembered how awesome a good old fashioned SALAD bar can be! all you can eat, baby!

watched downton abbey in it's entirety for the second time (and i NEVER re-watch anything).  man, i love it so much. 

practiced my wifery skills... buttermilk, banana, macadamia, brown sugar pancakes. 

made an apple pie

followed a pretty sweet truck to spanish fork

 made an enormous cookie for my valentine (me)

then the dog ate a huge bite out of the aforementioned cookie (fat pig) so i put a bride & groom to distract you. 

did my taxes & sliced the hell out of my finger in the process

reacquainted myself with pizza factory breadsticks.... yum.

ate outrageous sunday dinners. my mom is really out of control. so good. i love ono burgers.

went to all my drs & stella saw her vet (who is 100% better/cheaper than nyc).. she was exhausted so she was bjorned while we shopped

attempted blood red nails... and succeeded! with dad while he was getting ECP treatment.

last ski day

then put stella in her little depression box and shipped us both back to nyc.....

we're missing our utah people. 

what a fantastic & treasured time to be with my family. come visit soon!

the family's comments..

there's some overlap here: 

1. Ben "Love ends here." Wait.. forshadow? 
2. Why is Courtney touching a stray cat? -Ali
3. DAVID GRAY? Again? - Nicole
4. M - Oh he's so tender.
5. M - "Journey, she's got the journey too". (Referring to Ben's mom).
6. "Lindzi rode up on a horse" -Ben. Sister "Uh really?" | Nicole, "She's not having it."
7. Sisters givin her "mmmhmmm's."
8. Sister "red flag" Dad "AMEN!"
9. "I get stressed out when I have to eat proper" - Lindzi | Mom "LY! Properly
10. Mom - "Sister's got a hair cutting cape on."
11. "Give herself to you. " -Sister | All - " Gross!"
12. "Sister and Ben have the same hair cut just different lengths." - Ali
13. D- "Ben doesn't walk his mother to the door?!" M - "Uh he has no manners!"
14. N - Courtney's not looking at them
15. Courtney talking to Bens Mom | N- She's totally acting right now!
16. A- She probably shouldn't say she's "vulnerable" to the want to be MIL.
17. Titanic Commercial | N - Kate's Boobs in 3D will be Pretty Fantastic.
18. Lindzi | N- That dimple has a quarter inch powder caked into it
19. Jur-ney
20. He licks his lips before kissing it's so gross
21. Why are they wearing capes?
22. Courtney's cape looks like kraft paper - Ali
23. Lindzi - I am mad at myself for not giving you.. | Adam - An STD?
24. Adam- Ben's saying, I'm so horny-I-Mean- happy right now.

back in the big city

and i've been booked within an inch of my life with really fun stuff & cool auditions 

(pix as soon as my iphoto will recognize the import).

been spending a lot of time with my ladies & 

my girl, whit, shared my new favorite quote @ brunch on saturday. 

maybe it'll ring true for you:

never make someone your PRIORITY

when you're their OPTION.

{ the bachelor - ben } episode 11 - the final rose.

 the finale committee is a special group. you've had comments from nadia & audra before but now we've added our token, aaron (nadia's husband), lala & abby (and stellie, obviously)  to our mix..

we're all on the same page on this one...

photo of me & the little girl (in her thunder t-shirt) by lala. 

1. ooooh! nail biter! who is he gonna choose?!
2. church bells! how ominous. 
3. rudolph the red nosed ben. 
4. so if we don't suffer thru watching them sweat to death, we have to suffer thru red noses?
5. oh yes, court. petting stray animals...... what a sweetie!
6. [instead of david gray's tune] i wish they'd play ben's hit song "cream dream" --aaron. 
7. yes, cape. swiss drama. 
8. what's happening with sister's hair?
9. she has a khloe kardashian thing going on...
10. woah. she missed a few pieces...
11. his center cut bob is killing me. 
12. good question, mom. 
13. they re gonna hate courtney
14. please tell me lindz learns from this look on after the final rose...
15. blondes, harsh eyeliner is a bad idea. 
16. they're gonna love lindzi... those dimples are sweet. 
17. ben's mom is cute. 
18. this is so uncomfortable. 
19. proper? how bout "proper-LY." 
20. what was that strange awkward grin?!
21. bummer zit, girlfriend.
22. woof! lindzi's hair is so gross. too thin to be that long... trim it up, girl.
23. i hope lindz has enough self respect not to take ben back after he picks court. 
24. sister! are those extensions? they must be. she looks homeless.
25. wooooah! ouch! horrible position to put lindzi in! not fair.
26. "than myself".... the girl is a mess with the grammar. 
27. woah! good, bens sister. 
28. it is a red flag. 
29. lindzi is trying too hard. 
30. good response, lindz. that's the way to handle it. "we're just very different."
31. looks like ben's sis is wearing a hair cutting cape. 
32. i wish. 
33. that hair is a mess.
34. i'll bet he's the tightest lipped kisser ever. 
35. i wonder what ben's mom thinks about "cream dream."
36. ooooh they hate her already. 
37. do you think the producers tipped the sisters off too?
38. ponder by the fire.
39. woah! layers! always.... 
40. everyone needs a cozy fireplace sweater. 
41. he flatironed his hair- nadia. 
42. that's the best he's ever looked- nad
43. maybe the sister styled his hair. 
44. and here comes the baby voice. 
45. she's using a lot of bronzer, eh?
46. you SHOULD be nervous, ben. 
47. should we sleep together really quick so i can remind you why you like me?  -nadia
48. she wore her hair half up to be demure- nadia.
49. way to launch out with that! "just so you know, the word "model" is a little..."
50. woah! straight out of the gate with the other girl talk!
51. they are HATING her. 
52. just eyebrows out of julia. 
53. really cute coat on courtney. 
54. she's gorgeous but she's a cow. 
55. yep, you've already said all that, court. 
56. that girl is the ultimate manipulator. 
57. blame it on your love for ben. 
58. wonder what julia thinks now....
59. cute scarf. 
60. they laugh? really? why havent we seen that?
61. are you KIDDING ME?!
62. i love how the music changes-laura
63. she's a snake charmer- aaron.
64. "OOOoooh YEAH!" ben is into it. 
65. i cannot wait to see what they say after this...
66. oop a baby doll dress .. suuuper innocent. 
67. "barb," huh? nicknames?
68. i think ben's gonna look back and think "this show ruined my life."-aaron.
69. he should have his man card removed.- aaron.
70. yeah there's depth! i found out in the ocean!- audra.
71. courtney is NOT the girl you take home to mom.... or maybe she is?
72. good moral, ladies: act like an ass , make everyone hate you, sex him up & you can still win!
73. he's proposed twice on national television-audra
74. you'r life is over- nadia.
75. sad that the dilemma is should i propose to courtney & what will those repercussions  be....lindz isn't even in consideration. 
76. oooh nothing says romance like animal cruelty. 
77. i'm really over the monkey mount. 
78. "lindzi and I"..... broken record. grammar isn't important to either one of them. match made in heaven. 
79. she has sex hair in that blue windbreaker! what happens next?!
80. no one will ever be as cute as kacie b skiing. 
81. rats nest in the back of that head. 
82. i am very much into this date. 
83. he doesn't care. at. all. 
84. meaningless "yeahs" all over the place. 
85. wouldn't you be pissed if you were on the gondola behind them?
86.  what the hell!?
87. every time they say "red flag" take a shot.. or in your case, "eat something from shake shot"-- kate via text to me. 
88. wait... is she a child? needs to ski btwn his legs? awkward. 
89. they're sexing- nadia.
90. i'm so sure that she's lighting candles and prepping the room. 
91. you guys are missing that nadias comments are mostly sung in jingles. 
92. she's a little too squealy-nadia.
93. that neckline is foul on boobs. drapes strange. 
94. he's pre-dumping her- abby. 
95. this is like hearing the jaws music and you want to scream at the idiot to get out of the water. 
96. wait, what? your sense of humor? you have one?
97. her vocal fry is KILLING me. 
98. her closing argument is so sad!!!! 
99. if anyone said "that's good" after i dropped the L bomb, i would throw myself off the matterhorn. 
100. this is like a dr working on his bedside manner. 
101. she's wearing an easy access zipper t-shirt. 
102. do you think she takes off her shirt like this (two handed zipper pull) and then she shimmys it off? - aaron.
103.  i love posing in front of the matterhorn. 
104. oop. only 3 layers on ben today. 
105. he wears a henley in a different color every time-abby
106. aaahahaha! depth dig! she had to get it in!
107. wouldn't be a bach finale with out a helicopter.
108. it's not even exciting at this point, is it?- abby.
109. no. no it's not. 
110. i have a new rule: i think who ever he picks, he has to impregnate so we know that you mean it. and you can't break up. - aaron
111. did he just say "our love is higher than the swiss alps"....
112. boys are so stupid when they're in love. 
113. what does that mean for you love to be "high?"- aaron
114. are those mimosas? are we having mimosas and kababs for breakfast?
115. is it snowy there but not cold? - audra
116. you can't see her hot model bod in a coat!
117. you should feel SO lucky, ben. she always brings it back to what she's "going thru."
118. yay! snow angel with baby voices!!!
119. i hope they fall into that lake. 
120. long monkey arms!!! woaaaaah! mid hamstring!
121. waaait..... so theyr'e not even going to pretend that there's any chance he could pick lindz? he said he's in love with courtney and couldn't say it to lindz so ....
122. those church bells are my alarm on my iphone!
123. what's with that jaunty vest! is he in newsies?
124. open the gates and sieze the day!
125. their kisses are so awkward with such weird pauses. 
126. what a shock!!! a last-ditch scrapbook
127. i love you ben! production gave me these photos!!!- audra.
128. i'll be the producers made this scrapbook to pretend she's human. 
129. yesss! i love when people read cards to people. um.. just say it ... or let him read it. 
130. insincere laugh in between sentences that her acting coach taught her. 
131. more stolen metaphors! are they from sex and the city as well?
132. dot.. dot..dot...  is that a nod to bentley.
133. so from the P.S. we gather that she gave him a mix cd .
134. why is it that every bachelor wants every girl to be vulnerable?! who wants that?!- aaron. 
135. total man wisdom. 
136. and the bells of clarity chime. 
137. how many bells is this?! it's like 54 o'clock. 
138. it's a tornado alarm- aaron. 
139. still tolling!
140. she's the ultimate! nail him & make him defend himself. 
141. she's a classic sociopath. 
142. look how smug she looks!
143. mary kate and ashley olson! prune!!-laura.
144. good fake tears, court. 
145. woof. that was an awkward goodbye. 
146. it's the most beautiful crying. every moment is a photo op- abby.
147. haaha! i JUST called that they'd fuzzy screen flashback!
148. i like to sit in bed with full beat. i wake up with fully rimmed eyes. 
149. i know the montage because i'm a reality tv star- laura (actually me.. in laura's voice)
150. sexy babydoll, court. 
151. oooh yeah! cozy sweater dress for the fire & tea shots. 
152. everything about courtney is disgusting so even when she wears cute clothes, i'm like "that's disgusting! she disgusts me!!"- nadia. 
153. a hurdle metaphor? woof. 
154. sweet frosty bubble gum lipstick on that ponder shot. 
155. neil lane has become totally laughable ever since this & his low end zales (or whatever cheaper jewelry) line. 
156. don't they usually choose one ring for each girl? 
157. he chose one... shocking. 
158. that's a good suit- looks like the one stamos wore in bye bye birdie. 
159. this music is killing me. 
160. it's like the shining. 
161. don't they usually have artists for hair and makeup on the final 
162. ooooh! eliza doolittle! soooo dramatic with the cape and the gloves. 
163. and poor lindzi is in a renaissance fair cape. she got the lesser end of the deal. 
164. this is so phantom of the opera.
165. she definitely had her makeup done. 
166. please bless that they don't line lindzi's eyes. 
167. oop. lined. she must have done that after they finished her makeup. 
168. i'd hate to be the heli that's circling for hours. 
169. "this is RIGHT. i have EVERYTHING." famous last words. 
170. did they maybe curl the ends of his hair with a 1/4 inch curling iron. 
171. get on with it, lindz. get out of the helicopter. 
172. she looks like a witch from hocus pocus!!!
173. ren fair costume. poor girl looks a mess. 
174. uh, oh! here comes the reject speech!- nadia.
175. now shiver in that wretched tube top and NO BRA!!!!
176. "this is the moment girls dream of!"
177. what?! walking up and getting rejected?!- abby
178. she's watching this right now totally mortified- nadia. 
179. is she out of breath? did she hike the mountain?
180. why is she still selling her self. 
181. you see the SECOND she knows she's getting the boot. right before the speeck. 
182. she has the lump right now. 
183. that mic bulge ... and makeup to cover the tan lines.....
184. maybe courtney took ben's virginity. - aaron. 
185. that's why he's so whipped. 
186. please stop saying "it's someone else. i'm in love with someone else..." woof. ouch!
187. don't say anything!!!! just walk away, lindz. 
188. please don't ask a question!!!
189. this is an abnormally long walk. 
190. why is she consoling him?
191. stop it right now! you are tragic. 
192. ew. don't stoop to his level- audra.
193. HORROR SCREAMS!!!!
194. "if things don't work out, call me!"
195. you're KIDDING! have some self respect! 
196. i see why she was optimistic, how could she even conceive that he'd pick COURTNEY?!
197. nice fake green vine for the rose cradle. 
198. ok. that ring is spectacular. 
199. he waved to her! she has to know that's a good sign!- laura.
200. leather gloves, huh? leather?
201. it's her second "kiss of the spiderwoman" outfit this season. 
202. it's weird to see a ball gown in the woods- laura. 
203. it's a mile hike  to get there. 
204. i'm hating her hair. 
205. ooop no... we still have sweating, thanks to the hike. 
206. this speech is so droll. spit it out, dumbass!
207. ooooh he's so ugly! i can't even look at him! if he had a good personality, it'd be different- audra.
208. sweet synthesizer angel voices. 
209. ooh gross!
210. i won! that's what just went thru her head- nadia.
211. #winning!!
212. why would you wear gloves when you're anticipating a ring?!
213. "oh my DAD?!?!" really? whyyyyyyyyy?!
214. did you have any doubt? him: you never know.... 
215. that's reassuring. 
216. and cue david gray. 
217. bumps.. are those the dead bodies of the other girls that they walked over?
218. she just totally angled her face to the camera.
219. is there toilet paper in those trees?!- abby
220. FINALLY! after the final rose!!!! this is the good stuff. 
221. withhold our judgment?! toooo late. 
222. {peals of laughter}
223. ben flaccid- audra
224. oooh! he got the "groban" hair cut. 
225. ben needs to work on looking interested- aaron. 
226. interesting?-laura.
227. both- aaron. 
228. does the studio audience have to wear jewel tones?
229. no, you didn't listen to the women, ben. you sent emily home. 
230. that is a good point... even when kacie b flew in, she didn't give good specific examples of courtney's idiocy
231. you guys, this after the final rose is making me eat my feelings. in pizza, cupcakes & gummi bears. 
232. stutter, stutter, stutter. 
233. excuse me? you're not kissing those women? the women in the kissing photos? i'm confused. 
234. harrison is right... they MIGHT be perfect together. both idiots. 
235. she looks amazing. 
236. love that dress. 
237. the audience booed? awesome. 
238. that makeup is draggy! 
239. their makeup artist is a mess. 
240. ben is bad cause he didnt' send a rose on v-day? when they had broken up?
241. peals of laughter from the audience on that he "abandoned me" comment. 
242. they're together? what?
243. you guys, if you look up at the ceiling long enough, your fake tears come. 
244. fake tear voice. 
245. she needs counseling- laura.
246. really? they haven't gotten together before this taping?
247. oooh it's theatre in the round- laura.
248. with bad acting...
249. that dress is dynamite. 
250. i think they're lying about the "optimism" thing.... 
251. really? the other women's behavior. 
252. she's really low drama but she totally acts out of character some times- aaron. 
253. all the times...
254. every response from courtney is classic manipulation.
255. that beard is so patchy. 
256. why would he stand by her?! she's vile!
257. she's so good at flipping it on him!- abby. 
258. there's no way they're going to tell the truth on this, the show would lose credibility. 
259. that evil laugh at the end of the proposal is so sinister. 
260. she has that fake cry voice DOWN.
261. ben is crying because he's SO CONFUSED why he's loving this cow after all of this. 
262. oh, so this is everyone else's problem? not crazy courtney. 
263. they're meant for each other. 
264. how are they the victims?! i don't even get it- abby.
265. harrison! you HAVE A WIFE!
266. you're proposing to courtney?!
267. obviously they're going to make her put the ring on again... 
268. this is vomitous. 
269. never. this wedding is happening never. 
270. no other woman in the world will want him after this.. he'd better take it where he can get it. 
271. cute itty bitty kimono. 
272. ashley drives me nuts. 
273. jp is adorable. 
274. finally! she got an acceptable hair color. 
275. she look so much better than she's ever looked. 
276. jp is ALWAYS rocking a pink shirt. woof. 
277. why doesn't jp just grow hair? 
278. he HAS a thick head of hair. grow it out. hell.
279. that was a dramatic pregnant rebuttal, ashley. 
280. i'm so over her. 
281. ew. sex inside jokes? "i WANNA call her dr."
282. what? she already has a ring!
283. within the year. how specific. 
284. go away, you two!
285. harrison is going online tonight so he can marry them. 
286. she's so awkward. 
287. the bachelor is so rapey-- they all have gone after each other and are so intertwined...
288. ok.. so i'm surprised that they pretended to be together. 
289. none of us think it's real. 
290. please no more dog voices. 
291. woof. there it is. 

ok, so honestly, who cares. 

if ben is the kind of guy who can watch all that drama go down with courtney and STILL want to be with her, he's totally perfect for her. sayonara to the worlds fugliest & most boring bachelor ever & the biggest villain winner in bachelor history. 

now.... hold tight for part 2.... the utah contingency is emailing their review asap. (i know you'd hate to miss out on adam's comments).....

what did i miss?

find SPIKE

and nicole will give you a free photoshoot..

just seen near Harmons in OREM.

please call Julie if you see him!

801-361-6699

seeing the big picture

our dear family friend, kevin cope,
wrote the coolest book,
seeing the big picture: business acumen to build your credibility, career & company. 
it's supposed to be an MBA in 180 pages....
yes, please.

i think it'd be an awesome father's day gift.
it was just released & is already #1 on amazon.
i can't wait to read it.

have you seen spike?

he's our dog zippy's son.
he went missing today around 800 north in Orem, UT.
he doesn't have tags but he is chipped.

have you seen him?

{ the bachelor- ben } episode 10 - women tell all

sorry, dolls. 

i had to fly back to nyc last night so i watched 3/4 of this with the fam then high tailed it to the airport. 

i'll be sad not to have the family on the finale comments, but i've already started putting together a wild cast of characters so you won't be disappointed. 

this is probably the second most humiliating night after the first cocktail party- these girls just hope to look better and save face and it's just SO uncomfortable. 

1. i'm living for the smug looks on all the judgy women in the audience. 
2. obviously courtney is there for damage control because he's clearly choosing her. 
3. as if i care...
4. they deserve each other. 
5. did you see ben's youtube music video? 
6. keepin' it classy, ben. 
7. the former contestants are a petrie dish of stds. 
8. is that honey bo bo child dancing?
9. kasey and lisa p are so gross. 
10. stacy got a nose job?
11. ugh. ed is the worst. 
12. ed is sexy? obviously, the bach ups these douchebag's cred. that guy couldn't nail a girl with a hammer. 
13. solar panels!!! 
14. ryan is working that velvet blazer. 
15. michelle $ has had some work done... and no sleep.. is that it?
16. go away, ali. nobody is interested. 
17. i just have a picture in my mind when they say "connecting"... and it's not good. 
18. wooooah! what's with the snazzy showman jacket, frank?
19. did you steal that from the frankie valli dressing room @ jersey boys?
20. eew! he has scary eyes! they're not kind!- mom
21. how many hair pieces does ali have. 
22. oooh man, erika is my all time favorite. 
23. she just tells it like it is. 
24. please bless the crazy blogger hits bachelor pad. 
25. do you think all the nuts have to leave their meds when they check in to the bachelor pad? none of those kids are medicated & they really need it. 
26. this season gave us some of the biggest whack jobs we've seen yet. 
27. skanks on a bench!!
28. woah! nikki. bad angle. 
29. another one-shouldered moment from nikki- didn't she learn from that wretched toga? 
30. "sexy bachelor" that's an overstatement. 
31. courtney actually had makeup on in the beginning!
32. blakely is a vulger version of my beautiful friend Merrill. 
33. britney lost weight. 
34. casey s- usually en pointe but she's wearing purple lipstick with an orange shirt. #miss.
35. poor jamie. that was one of the most awkward moments in history. 
36. we did that square movement in the "nicest kids" choreography in HAIRSPRAY. 
37. jaclyn is pulling some shrek faces. 
38. blakely looks like shania- nina.
39. michelle finally did her roots. good color. 
40. woah! that girl is a haggy psycho! she makes blakely look normal. 
41. she's kinda like a Chihuahua. 
42. go jamie. 
43. good point. 
44. blakely seemed more normal on camera. these girls clearly hated her off screen. 
45. yes, britney! the only normal girl in america- none of us are attracted...
46. HOWEVER, she's the one who wanted to be there and brought the grandma....
47. emily's eyeliner is just too much. 
48. like a wilted cleopatra. 
49. that samantha is a MESS! hot mess. 
50. her voice hurts my chakras. 
51. Chihuahua!!!!!!!!!!!! exactly!!! that's what i said!!
52. harrison is loving this. 
53. chris harrison has the best job ever. 
54. did i mention that this is one of my favorite episodes ever?
55. jaclyn needs to practice her faces in the mirror. yikes. 
56. i love shawntal's dress. 
57. she looks great. 
58. i'm still mad that she didn't wear a bra. 
59. jersey's shore "who IS she?!" will be a classic bachelor soundbite. 
60. um.. no. shawntal does NOT have thicker thighs than that strange grecian train wreck. 
61. she has gorgeous legs. 
62. that nail polish is a mess with that dress color. 
63. that jersey shore girl has been doing some serious GTL'ing. 
64. good for jersey shore. nice apology. 
65. em. that neckline doesn't fit. 
66. elyse is gross. 
67. erika .. no, this DOESN'T make sense because YOU don't make sense. 
68. emily is the coolest. and her body rocks but that dress is a mess. 
69. and i sorta hate that color. 
70. she's too smart for ben.- mom re: emily
71. her body is amazing. 
72. you watch her and she looks fun- nina.
73. she's way too cute for him- mom. 
74. she's the first one to call out courtney. she's awesome. 
75. ben is such a loser. 
76. emily's brows are fixed! hurray!
77. she is a great girl. 
78. go girl! that's right! you WOULDN'T want to end up with him. 
79. yes, blakely. just drunk & calling it out. 
80. "tread lightly" "you don't know me as well as you think you do."
81. so telling. it's so obvious that he's a total idiot. 
82. emily should be the next bachelorette. 
83. she's articulate and interesting and just cool. 
84. i love when harrison states the obvious: reflective listening. "you're in love with this man."
85. the sound of nikki's voice is killing my vocal chords. 
86. i really hate emily's earrings....
87. i think she took them from my mom's 1988 jewelry box. 
88. kacie is sweet. 
89. i'm glad they're friends. 
90. kacie looked amazing that night. 
91. not a fan of kacie's frosty eyewear. 
92. but then again you knew that...
93. my two biggest pet peeves are unsupported boosies & frosty eyeshadow. 
94. from there..... courtney stripped down.
95. that blogger always looks one breath away from a total breakdown. 
96. love the dress on kacie. 
97. her earrings are so heavy they're pulling on her earlobes- nina.
98. it came down to her parents freaking him out. because he's a loser.
99. i hate the phrase "the man of your dreams."
100. i love courtney's highlights. 
101. and the villain music. 
102. i love that all the girls did it together! she IS a black widow!
103. oop the Chihuahua pitches in again. 
104. their accents are getting stronger the more heated they get.- ali
105. erika is an overweight olive oyle.- mom.
106. woof. one shoulders are contagious! be careful! hope it doesn't go thru tv waves. 
107. casey's just not bright. at all.
108. courtney is a sociopath. it's so clear. 
109. they're all the same color of "fake tan."
110. no she didn't come to "find love"... gross. 
111. they're all mad that she stole their thunder. 
112. love her pregame teaser. 
113. this is so maury povich.- nicole. 
114. court's dress is cool. 
115. she looks gorgeous. 
116. oh here we go. 
117. she's going to be penitent. 
118. she's scripted by her PR team. 
119. she's back on her crazy pills!- nina. 
120. emily was awesome to apologize. 
121. courtney is totally acting. 
122. good question, nikki. why DID she do that? 
123. i'll tell you: bachelor producers told her to apologize for damage control. 
124. yes, jennifer. she's that kind of girl. 
125. this is the first time she's said she's sorry- everything else has been an "i regret"...- nicole. 
126. why don't these girls understand that even if you're skinny, you'll still have cellulite when you cross your legs and your shirt barely covers your crotch?! wear an inch or two longer and cover your cottage. 
127. she's the queen of cliches! "trying to keep my head above water"... -mom
128. i hate when people apologize by saying "i'm sorry IF i hurt your feelings".... it should be "THAT i hurt your feelings"- mom. 
129. she made her bed. 
130. oooh! and jenna speaks!
131. blakely deserves that. 
132. coutney is trying so hard to cry. 
133. she's going thru real emotions, guys. 
134. how would she NOT know that she'd turn out looking like a horrible person. 
135. "cared".. past tense. 
136. i think he picks her and dumps her. 
137. i think courtney handled it pretty well. she took a lot of shots. - dad. 
138. i love that courtney's exit was publicist/person free. 
139. just whisk away in a dark car. 
140. where's our car confessional?
141. emilys pecs are pretty crazy in that dress. consider a strap... and sit up straight. 
142. i love how hopeful and expectant all the girls look when ben walks in. 
143. they all start smizing and acting like he'll have a change of heart. 
144. woof. don't ask "why me?!" 
145. woah! nice cheap shot to blakely! 
146. ouch! that was low. 
147. ben is still predictably fugly. 
148. nicki (i think that's the first time i've spelled it correctly) has a strange neck situation.... is there a spare tire mid-neck?
149. oh, my . these poor girls saw the writing on the wall with court and are now making a play for him. 
150. woah! and there it is with the aggressive nurse. 
151. not a chance, sister. you can't kiss. 
152. i love the outtakes. 
153. ben is so lame. 
154. gross . i did not need to see his upper thigh again. 
155. poor crazy slc girl... another lesbian moment for her. 
156. there is NO way i'd ever go out with a guy like ben. 
157. and there's also NO way that he'd ever get a chance with one of these ladies in real life. 
158. well, at least chris harrison called out the obvious that nobody wants him to pick courtney. 
159. but he will....
160. sometimes when she babytalks, it really sounds like she has a serious speech impediment. 
161. the girl reactions and hand holdings are killing me. 
162. and now they cut to audience reactions for lindsey's entrance. 
163. lindsey is a fun girl... makeup flaws and obnoxious vocal fry aside. 
164. courtney is a sociopath. have fun ben!
165. did we just see lindsey's crack when she monkey mounted him in switzerland?
166. oh, good. finally we're addressing the crazy blogger. 
167. and the tampon. wow. 

so i just read this people mag article about last night. nothing too dishy.. just that harrison was sick. 

how do you think this is going to go down?

new york, new york! a helluva town!

new york, new york!
 a helluva town!
the bronx is  up and the battery's down.
the people ride in a hole in the ground.
new york, new york!
it's a
helluva town!!

{on the town}

i'm going back to the big city today.
for good and ever (until the next time i leave...).
this has been such a sweet 6 wk break- and the first i've had since i can remember.
i haven't been able to spend this much quality time with my family since jr high school and it's been a much needed luxury.
more pix to come...

so now that i have a bit more pulse in this little heart, i'm ready to conquer the big city.
we're going to have fun, aren't we?!

image found here

things men should never do:

never. 

EVER. 

choose a restaurant then complain about the price of the food.... 

especially before we have even been seated at the table. 

and certainly don't nit-pick and argue the check at the end of the meal.

gross.  

image found here