reconnecting

i've been thinking a lot about connections.
not the cheeseball bachelor "i think we're making a connection" connections.
but deeper connections.
i think everyone is searching to connect.
to be understood.
to feel known.
connecting physically (even just a hug) is the easiest way to quickly connect.. but without a deeper emotional connecting, that tie is fleeting.
we try to connect with our friends, family, lovers....

my friend, e. orton, gave a beautiful talk in church a few weeks ago.
he asked us to think of a time when we were lonely.
so i thought... it wasn't hard to find a few instances that came to mind.
and then he asked us to think of a time when we felt connected.
immediately i cried....

because i felt loss.
i felt the loss of that connection.
i was once so known and understood and loved.
i didn't feel the euphoria of connectedness, i just felt the pain of that loss.

i watched a lecture somewhere (i wish i could remember where i found it so i could have you watch it as well) that says that when people are asked to think about love, they often go straight to heartbreak.

how interesting.

i'll be honest, i miss connecting.
i hate first dating. i'm tired of telling my story.

so i started thinking even more about connections.
my connections with my family and friends are pretty solid.
how is my connection to my spirit?
eh.... not great lately. i've been spinning and not remotely centered.
i've been lazy.
i'm doing all the "right" things, but i'm not fully connected...

so it's time to do another book of mormon challenge.
i need to remember that my worth is not dependent upon romantic love or job success.
i need to feel connected to my Heavenly Father.
i need to remember that i'm a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me.
i need to feel known again. 
the results were pretty great last time.

so let's do it again.
are you connected?
no matter what you believe, hunker down and read your spiritual books.
connect to your spiritual self.
are you in?

happy july.