{ the bachelorette- emily } time to enter a convent, girl.

you guys, sean isn't THAT perfect.... 

he's a body builder with white hands and an insane spray tan. 

vim.

first of all, shavs, i love you, but you're delusional if you think california style has all that on utah girls..... i'm a utah girl, you idiot. also, i've seen some pretty offensive "shade" abuse, horrendous stenchies, polygamy clothes, etc.. coming from the west coast. 

also sad that audra and i both missed the overdubbing of jeff's absent parents explanation. hilarious. 

1. we should have a drinking game with how many times she says curacao. 
2. really, producers? none of you noticed that her hoop was too far thru her ear?
3. scary long cleavage in that gold dress flashback. 
4. i like sean. i don't think he's her first pick but he should be...
5. do you think anybody DOESN'T say they only want to get married once?
6. i like to start all my dates with, "i want to get married a few more times. you interested?"
7. you guys, i don't buy jef-one-eff. 
8. that letter was everything she wanted to hear and it seemed so freaking phony. 
9. she's clearly more obsessed with him than the other guys. 
10. oooh yeah, remember when arie played "belle?"
11. i would like to give arie some concealer for those chin zits. 
12. this is a fresh faced confessional for emily... but don't they have powder on CURE-sow?
13. i'm not a fan of that bubble gum pink lipstick with that rough hair color. 
14. she needs her colorist on set. 
15. lovely sand handwriting 
16. baaaahahahaha! the "?" that gets swept away by the tide.... so dramatic. 
17. my friend, kate, wore that dress the other day. so cute. 
18. she looks adorable in those little white shorts. 
19. sean is so matchy!
20. is that an american apparel deep v, sean?
21. i'm sorry, but where i come from (hellsea) the boys who wear deep v's like boy parts. 
22. but a better color on his pink skin so i'm pleased. 
23. she's totally bored with him. look at her face!
24. love the magenta beach towel. 
25. poor guy... wish he could wear sunglasses. 
26. ooop. this conversation is SO awkward. he's getting sent home. 
27. he's dying to snorkel cause this is so effing boring. 
28. "going so perfect." this woman is a genius. 
29. suntan/burn doesn't mesh with pink lips. ladies, take note. switch to a golder tone. 
30. go sean! one upping jef-one-eff by going for the daughter letter!
31. i love that dress on her. 
32. she's not into him. 
33. ahahaha. that awkward slow hand that reached out to a strange straight arm finger tip thigh touch. 
34. notice how she says he'll "love HIS wife," etc.... not love ME.
35. that hotel looks like a disneyworld marriott or something....
36. wonder how many different bikinnis she has. 
37. why doesn't he scoop her up?! like REALLY hold her?! such awkward distant hugs and strange pecks. 
38. is this a bachelorette first? she's sending him home?
39. GO GIRL! a girl with morals!
40. this is exactly what i'd do if i was the bachelorette. 
41. ooooh he's so sure about it. 
42. jef-one-eff has an interesting jaggedy hairline, no?
43. inspired by ricki's cornrows, emily is trying the one braided hairstyle. 
44. just the two of us and a crew of 50!
45. how many times does she say "there's no one else i'd rather be with."
46. this girl is bananas for this kid. 
47. she talks to him like she's his babysitter. 
48. he's a classic manipulator. 
49. "do you think i'd be a good parent?"
50. he drills her on things to make sure that he holds the power. 
51. listen, i've been in that relationship...
52. what is that hipster cursive tat??
53. what a lovely cliche masterpiece analogy. thanks for that. 
54. she's nuts for him. 
55. i hate that bikini. 
56. yeah, sean is going him. 
57. i loved angenette's itimization: my choices would be 
    1- Arie
    2- Jef
    3- Convent
58. i died laughing. 
59. but i'd take out jef...
60. maybe i'm biased, but i've heard too many sleaze-ball stories about this clown trolling thru utah to get behind his jive. 
61. ooooh! that's a fun sequin dress...
62. with a 4 inch cleavage line... which makes her look like a granny. 
63. lift and separate those girls. 
64. jef's romantic/spirit-chal whisper voice is annoying me. 
65. manipulative question, jerk. "if you're so great, why are you here, emily?"
66. love that turquoise ring.
67. she's into his money. 
68. that's the only way i can wrap my mind around this. 
69. of course you can't see the end goal, you're too busy sexing half of provo. 
70. good answer, jef-one-eff. 
71. i think they hashed this decision out pre & off camera.
72. ok, this suite is a little more tribal/fun. 
73. everything is annoying me right now. 
74. arie isn't scared of anything because "anything" in this case is referring to dolphins... and dolphins aren't scary, you idiot. 
75. sorry, you guys. i'm in a MOOD tonight. 
76. grrrr..
77. please no dolphin/love analogy!
78. ari's hair is a sweet mushroom shape right now. 
79. love love love this dress/belt. 
80. the long necklace can go. 
81. too much.
82. please! SOMEBODY mop up the grease on arie's face!
83. the button down henleys are pretty gay, you guys...
84. obsessed with this dress, kids. 
85. arie is super euro which often comes across as gay... 
86. he has realistic ideas about how to integrate the kid. 
87. after meeting his parents, i couldn't do it. 
88. hmmmm... funny that she didn't even talk about it?
89. even knowing she wouldn't do it... 
90. being around arie's fam would be terrible; always being hit on by dad and talked about in dutch by mom....
91. fun sparkle mazy! but you KNOW that has to be an oven under that!
92. her veneers are even more obnoxious when her hair is pulled back. 
93. poor girl. shave those things down!
94. chris's "yeah's" are really saying, "run away with me."
95. i'm bored by this interview... keep it moving harrison.
96. "private/personal" messages that we're sharing with our viewers.
97. this girl has had a whole lotta botox. 
98. she's even crying and i can't see any movement. 
99. bummer to have that mic pack as a hunchback.
100. this scripted message from jef coupled with that homosexual scoop neck is really killing me. 
101. not that there's anything wrong with a homosexual scoop... when you're courting another homosexual. 
102. tiiight khakis , ar. 
103. absolutely no movement from brow to hairline..... spectacular. 
104. harrison has the coolest job ever. 
105. sean is totally going home. breaks my heart.
106. yup. i was right. 
107. even more heartbreaking that 30 min ago he said he was confident that he was winning this thing. 
108. are the bug noises hurting your chakras like they're hurting stella's and mine?
109. it's like hot needles in my ear! 
110. yowzah!
111. that sparkle situation has a train?! how fierce. 
112. oh don't try to empathize, jef. 
113. id have been happier with less necklacing with a skirt that busy.
114. this is a good acquiescing speech, sean. 
115. this is a good man. 
116. definitely the next bachelor. 
117. i can't wait to watch him as the next bach- he'll be boring as hell but maybe his zany family can implement some more sweet pranks. 
118. this car speech is really heartbreaking. 
119. been there, sean. 
120. he's also crying because his eyebrows disappeared in the sun.
121. this ep was boring... we all knew what was going to happen. 
122. excited for the men-tell-all. hope they're still all on their periods. 
123. ryan is going to be great. 
124. love arie's out-takes "meh!"