{ the bachelorette - emily } nobody... nobody wants to poke the bear...

so i'm watching alone.. which i should never do... cause i miss things when i type. 

no fear, my sister, nina, sent me a text of my dad's gems as he watched:

• "Wuf (aka. "wolf") needs to go back to his pack!"
• about chris: " he looks like he could be a murderer."
• at the rose ceremony: "oooh good! a few more candles!"

absolute hilarity. i'm so sad i wasn't there. 

1. prague is stunning. 
2. must go. 
3. is she forced to say this is the best group of guys... EVER?!
4. i think we've all commented on what losers this pack is ... above any other season. 
5. harrison is somehow looking better, no? 
6. is he having mid-life crisis makeover phase?
7. jef-one-eff is a tween girl. 
8. i will, from here on out, refer to him as SHE as opposed to she (emily).
9. arie's pursed lip mirror face makes me vim!
10. cute outfit on em. 
11. arie is feeling really effeminate to me lately. 
12. she doesn't seem super into that kiss... she's holding something back..
13. ooop and here it is... 
14. ooooh she's laying a trap for him. 
15. what?! an awkward chris harrison lecture?
16. nice orange face. 
17. poor cassie is wishing she'd worn more makeup ...
18. i'm loving his interview with her. 
19. emily is great.
20. i agree. i'd be upset as well. 
21. whenever someone withholds that kind of info, it makes you feel like you're MEANT to be in the dark and that it's bigger than it is...
22. she's leading him right into the briar patch. 
23. just ASK him about it, dummy. 
24. so #2 is the same as #1, emily?
25. no secrets and be honest.  
26. why didn't we see the conversation coming to light?
27.  you know he had like a one-night-stand with cassie and it never went anywhere so he truly didn't think about it. 
28. did you think of napoleon's brother, kip when arie said "it's getting kinda serious, you know?
29. bobble head, you're GOING a little bit crazy? dude, you're already the mayor of crazytown. 
30. i'm bored. 
31. that cassie story was boring. this awkward boat panorama just made it look crazy and fake. 
32. stop it... that loser starts running the streets of prague, "streetcar" style?! STELLLAAAAAA
33. wolf is not a match with emily. 
34. also, what is he wearing?!
35. easter egg pink and blue and that bizarre pullover?
36. awkward emily tour guide moment. 
37. that'd be fun to tag a wall. 
38. the lock is a sign. send him home. 
39. i like her so much. 
40. why would arie comment on another person's relationship?!
41. oooop randy quaid is gonna go on a rager. 
42. cousin eddie is losing his sh*t.
43. "lock up a hometown date"..... gross. 
44. even-keeled = boring... fyi.
45. don't you sometimes wish that when people tell these horrible stories about their ex's that they'd give full names? THAT'D be good tv. 
46. ew! these weird little bird pecks are too loud and strange!!!
47. ok, stanley. go find stella. 
48. (if you don't know that reference, start reading tennessee williams)
49. that's also who stella was named after....
50. how long are the producers gonna make him comb the streets?!
51. ahahaha! as IF she just walked him home?! 
52. um.. that look is "uncomfortable" .. .not "love."
53. i like him for her. they're both sweet and guileless. 
54. i don't see any emotional connecting... just a lotta smooching with them. 
55. cousin eddie is boiling. 
56. if you have a sunburn and blonde hair, do not wear a sunburn or coral colored t-shirt.
57. chris is a little black raincloud. 
58. shut. up.
59. that poor horse. 
60. oh doug, you cheesewad. total wife beater. i feel it. 
61. listen, i have a lot of chemistry with velveeta.... 
62. she is NOT feeling him. 
63. crossed arms, doug? really? is this your first rodeo?
64. "hey big dummy....." weirdo. 
65. he's doing anything for a last ditch situation...
66. good girl. get rid of him. no chemistry. 
67. i feel for him, but he's trying waaaay too hard. 
68. do you think bobble head waxes his neck/chest?
69. she woke up smiling? did they fantasy suite?
70. no way is emily bringing randy quaid home to the family . he's the whiniest little brat. 
71. uh. oh... someone is going to go postal!!!!
72. chris is DEFINITELY going home. 
73. puppets are so freaking creepy. 
74. SHE asks all the right questions. 
75. wait... jeff had all those mj puppet skills? 
76. yes, you WOULD be the luckiest guy in the world because she's totally out of your league. 
77. watch, he's buying a present for ricki. 
78. i'm GOOD!
79. poor thing! just struggling up the hill in those wild boots. 
80. think she knows that SHE is loaded?
81. the role playing is so "what about bob" awkward!!!
82. "anna! anna!!!"
83. already starting in puppet therapy. 
84. "committed to some stuff for a few years." ......... really, jef-one-eff. 
85. at what point are you going to tell her about your life?
86. he SHOULD have said, "my parents are serving and doing mission work for their church. i was raised mormon but i'm not currently practicing mormonism. " end of story. addendum: and they're mortified that i'm doing this.
87. is the sibling in china also serving a mission?
88. gonna be hard to dodge that, J.
89. this uncomfortable pillow (sans the pillow) talk is so slumber party. 
90. she likes him like she likes her gay friend. 
91. besties forevsties!
92. cool cars. 
93. cool mansion. 
94. dumb boys. 
95. bobble head is all over the place!
96. this guy would be an absolute nightmare to be married to. 
97. just angry and bobbley.
98. woof. that dress is disco fever!
99. is that freak crying?!
100. come ON!
101. the candles and the violins!! oy!
102. i just tuned that whole declaration of love out...i didn't want to get sick before bed. 
103. no WAY!!!! she fell for it?!
104. poor wolf. he's so sad. 
105. what exactly did he share that he wouldn't share with anyone else?? that stuff didn't seem to secret-y to me...
106. woof. i can't believe she fell for the bobble. 
107. do you think his head just lulled her into a hypnotic state and she couldn't say no? 
108. very jungle book... 
109. how is SHE going to handle the hometown and avoid talking about being mormon?!
110. great dress next week. 
111. hide and seek?! no way, doug! you know how to do that?! i'll bet none of these other guys have ever done that before!
112. you must be a DAD and a good one!

what do you think, kids?