{ bachelor ben-episode 5 } skinny dipping in the dark- oh! ohOOH!

ok... it's ali's fault but the recording started late..... so ... sorry. 
first of all, my dad has been RIPPING on me for my bachelor habits for years...
and now look who was first to the party!
we hooked him but he'll never admit to it. 

today's bachelor party is provided by (nearly) my entire family. 

  1. doctor needs to LET COURTNEY GO.
  2. this resort is OLD.
  3. come on, bachelor! take them to my mexican heaven. 
  4. Dad pointed out that either there's a beer droplet, sweat stain, or lunch on harrison's plaid shirt. 
  5. thanks for lining this up, ben! what a sweetheart!
  6. poor ban has to speed date all of them?! awkie. 
  7. good. court got some lipgloss. 
  8. let's hope nikki doesn't get wasted. 
  9. aaahahahahaha! sweet spanish accent!
  10. and THAT's the reason they kept the dr-- SOMEBODY has to be smart and translate.
  11. is there ever a time when courtney's mouth isn't blurred? - adam.
  12. i wanna go to vieques. 
  13. ew. no lounge chairs? just a lawn camp out? ghetto. 
  14. those yellow nails are not happening for me.
  15. did she just spend all that time on her hair and it looks like that? - mom.
  16. ben got a trim. not enought, ben. you need a new freaking style. 
  17. ew. they'r sweating in that heli. 
  18. 2nd helicopter. 
  19. he looks like he fits in.
  20. "it's like God smiling down on us?" vim.
  21. that dress is beyond fugly .. and unflattering..
  22. kiss in the rain!
  23.  there you go. that was friendish...
  24. she just gave him the friendship pat.
  25. sorry for your shoes, nikki.
  26. as IF she's going to throw a fit? 
  27. Ben: "we could buy clothes for each other!"
  28. obviously ben didn't like her dress either- nicole. 
  29. he's more worried about HIS threads. 
  30. oooh did we almost see cooter, nikki?
  31. did ben memorize his tourist lines last night. 
  32. PLEASE let it rain again in that white baptism costume. 
  33. yes, girl! that is an expensive wedding dress. 
  34. he's totally hinting that he wants to have a bach funded wedding. 
  35. why isn't she looking at him. 
  36. that dress is heinous. 
  37. ouch! we can't breathe!!!--nikki's boobs in the blue strapless dress.
  38. is there enough room on that couch?! she's so hippy....- dad.
  39. anybody who says, "i want my second chance at a fairytale," doesn't know how to make a marriage work. 
  40. she seriously just quit her marriage...
  41. what's that rash on the back of her arm?
  42. ringworm!- adam
  43. uh... never talk about your last marriage/relationship on your first date.
  44. blakely has barbie makeup. 
  45. jersey shore needs more of a lip color with that GTL orange skin.
  46. i love that they're poised on their preference sides. 
  47. blakely's forearm tatt is so distracting. just hook her up with Kasey already. 
  48. who is jamie?
  49. jersey shore has great legs.
  50. sometimes ben looks like a 5 yr old. 
  51. she has "fillings?" doesn't she brush her teeth?
  52. i think she meant "feeeeeeeelings."
  53. he's talking to her like he's her dad- nicole.
  54. bet you $1,000.00 that harrison is standing behind her holding buzz word cue cards.- adam
  55. gross kiss.
  56. diamonds? baseball? i'm so disappointed. - all the girls.
  57. oh horsie, you're such an outdoorswoman!
  58. blakely is about to take off with one of the other players. 
  59. yeeah! nothing says fun and romance like speed drills!
  60. chris has moobs!!
  61. with BEN? as if he wouldn't come to the "romantic beach party?" was that a necessary line?
  62. he's got some saggy nipples. -adam.
  63. ok.. so we paused the full body shot and decided that kasey B has the best legs. 
  64. congratulations, kasey, b!
  65. haven't these girls learned anything from "a chorus line?"
  66. the redhead has some serious TP!!! - adam [ troll potential ]
  67. ooh yeah, she's a knitter with cats!- nicole. 
  68. he's looking sick. where is his makeup artist in these confessionals. 
  69. awkward for ben to have to pick? 
  70. i hate lindzi's voice with such a serious passion. it's worse than adrain maloof's.
  71. oooh costume change!!
  72. good thing the dr and model are on opposite teams. 
  73. that casey s is sloooow. but beautiful. 
  74. "serious biz".... really ben?
  75. kasey b sounds like michelle dugger- nicole.
  76. please tell me they're not going 9 innings!- adam. 
  77. i can't believe blakely just caught a ball!- nina
  78. she's used to that- she does it without a glove!- adam.
  79. "oooooh who knew that strippers could play baseball!! "- ouch!
  80. i love that the dr is their pep team/coach
  81. oooh kasey B! tourettes!
  82. i can't believe they're actually playing!
  83. they're all pretty good!
  84. it's surprising that they hit it, but they're probably not showing all the other takes- byu baseball star, jaycob.
  85. blakely has a tramp stamp too?! saweet. 
  86. did b say the f word?
  87. "bye girls!" - what a trite lame thing to say. 
  88. yes, blakely ! yell at them!
  89. did she just wax her upper lip? it's a little red!- nina
  90. it's called herpes!- adam
  91. helicopter #3 oy. 
  92. blakely's right lash is coming off. 
  93. "they had a shot at the title." amazing.
  94. ahahaha a schoolbus!
  95. ben is pretending to be too poetic ... obnoxious. 
  96. nice trip, casey b. 
  97. courtney is so fake!
  98. are they really this bummed out?
  99. these girls are so dumb. 
  100. is blakely smelling her b.o.?
  101. this is how it is after one of our games!- jaycob. 
  102. gingie has man hands. 
  103. but a cute nail polish.
  104. horse girl is SWINGING that mojito. how is there anything left in that cup?!
  105. i like Kasey's curly hair. 
  106. his hair is more and more tragic. 
  107. he looks like a poor homeless kid from the barrio. 
  108. they all say they want to be married... then a year in, they're singing a different tune..... oh. wait.. too personal? sorry. 
  109. jersey shore is giving such consternation face. 
  110. get in the shower, you dirty girls. you'll feel better about life after that. 
  111. i approve kasey getting the rose. 
  112. nice hanger ribbon, kasey b. 
  113. drastic times with courtney. 
  114. sweet see-thru dress, hookah.
  115. they blurred out a nip slip!
  116. why is her nipple in her armpit?
  117. ben is desperate to sex her. 
  118. i think courtney is always on painkillers.. she has a hard time articulating with her mouth. 
  119. sweet mic pack, court. she just cant' keep her clothes on!
  120. courtney is seething with jealousy. 
  121. she looks so much better without makeup. 
  122. she took that entire outfit from snooki's closet. 
  123. tacky luggage!
  124. another ghetto sunbathing situation? are they forbidden from the pool?
  125. a beyonce yacht? i'm into that. 
  126. yes, courtney.. she'll work for YOU, you insane maniac. 
  127. they probably asked her to wear neon so they could see her from the space shots. 
  128. why is she asking him friend questions? 
  129. dad pointed out that she said she gave up her job and now she's saying she loves her job? 
  130. he's wishing she'd just stop talking. 
  131. and why is she putting so much pressure on him. 
  132. "let's screw everyone else" ????
  133. he's like, "i'm down for that."- nicole
  134. blakely's in!- adam
  135. killer body. fugly bikini. 
  136. he's swimming away from her. 
  137. nice nautical music. soft but forceful drum- enya style. 
  138. he looks like a monkey in that tux. 
  139. rolled up pants? 
  141. his hair is amazing. 
  142. why are they so freakish. just get to know people  without pressure!
  143. desperation station!
  144. he does that with his lips when he's not buying it- dad. 
  145. his light switch has flipped OFF.
  146. he's gonna send her home. 
  147. look how happy she is!
  148. why is he holding the rose if he's going to let her go?
  149. that tux is a disaster on him. 
  150. oh she's crumbling. 
  151. there goes the brow...
  152. it's trying to pull but the botox is too strong. 
  153. that is mean to pick up the rose and get her hopes up. 
  154. i hope she finished dinner...
  155. that dress is so 80's. 
  157. shut up! shut up! shut up! he doesn't like you. save your dignity and move on!
  158. glamorous jump into the dinghy. 
  159. his flood tux. killing me, gilligan. 
  160. i love her nail color. they're all sharing the same polish.
  161. not the david grey again!!!!!!
  162. is this this years, "love lifts us up where we belong?"
  163. it would be so much better if  they brought out a piano on the beach. 
  164. ooooh yes! the ponder shot with the rose thrown into the ocean!!
  165. those pants are made for a 12 yr old. 
  166. blakely is dressed up and ready to go meet those baseball players at the cantina. 
  167. are nikki's eyes crooked?
  168. ooooooh the jersey shore comment! they're all trying hard not to laugh. 
  169. why does she have such dead lip color at all times. 
  170. courtney just has verbal diarrhea.
  171. he looks like a tween at jr prom. 
  172. ew! she just bit her thumb?!
  173. he talks to them like he's their pediatrician-nicole. 
  174. courtney is such a hoebag. 
  175. "i'm hoping i'm a vision....i know i'm a sight for sore eyes.".... she's so horrible!!!
  176. she has the strangest restalyn mouth tics. 
  177. she just flashed him. 
  178. he's more awkward than a 12 yr old having his first kiss. 
  179. i mean, i really want this!- ben's penis. 
  180. we're alone.. on a beach... with a camera crew. 
  181. he really wants this. 
  182. he had to ask the producer if he could do this first...
  183. cute lingerie. 
  184. oh my! ooooh my! 
  185. id kill for them to hit a riptide and get the tumble. 
  186. i hope he feels guilty.
  187. is he going to stay "open" to ALL of them?
  188. wheee! chlamydia  party!
  189. gingie's eyeliner is aggressive. 
  190. blakely looks pretty this time. 
  191. go kasey b! sensible non panicky advice. 
  192. he looks JUST like FRANCINE- Arthur's friend. 
  193. ooop ! there he goes with that lip tic while blakely's talking. 
  194. he's not into it!!!- dad.
  195. what did she open up about, exactly?
  196. fun nails, blakely!
  197. no, you're right, heinous model, he ISN'T having that "connection" with the rest of them.. wink.. wink...
  198. she brought up the skinny dipping. 
  199. whore.
  200. her mouth issues are so offensive!
  201. gingie is drunk... skaaaannny dipping is sooo freeeeeeahing!
  202. we should do a drinking game with the word "progressing."
  203. or "finding love" or "journey."
  204. don't bring it up again, doc!!!! he's SCHTOOPING HER!!!!
  205. he's doing the lip thing. 
  206. she's gorgeous and super rachel mcadams'ish.
  207. emily, get it TOGETHER!!! why didn't you learn your lesson?!
  208. the doctor has to feel sooo vindicated now that this has aired. 
  209. courtney's dress is fugly. 
  210. horse girl looks better than she's looked for a long time. 
  211. casey is "karen smith" from mean girls to courtney's "regina george."
  212. woooah! lotta color in this vacation wear!
  213. i wan't kasey b!!!- dad.
  214. acoustic dramatical geeeeetar!
  215. he loves lindzi, courtney, and casey b. 
  216. WHO IS JAMIE?!
  217. cheryl teigs?! again?
  218. coutney's fish lips are KILLING ME.
  219. that hair of his!
  220. wooooooah! he's sending gingie home?! 
  221. i thought he was in love with her kisses! 
  222. i didn't see that coming! did you?
  223. i think he dumped her cause the dress is a flipping moo moo. 
  224. good for her. keep it classy and lose it in the jeep.
  225. woah. that light is NOT flattering. 
  226. she was blindsided. 
  227. this isn't love. this is competition. 
  228. i love their hopeful meaningful gazes while he delivers his monologues. 
  229. who says it's the most glamorous city?
  230. i love casey's dress. 
  231. ooooh another copter in the future?
  232. is cheryl teigs the dark horse?
  233. oooh no! what happens? did someone die?
  234. good season teasers!
  235. nothing about this chocolate bath is sexy. 
  236. please tell me they're not going to dip fruit and eat it out fo their b.o. chocolate.
what do you kids think?


nikki said...

I laughed so hard at the Francine, Arthur's friend, comment. So unbelievably true. As usual, great commentary. :-)

kelly : pinetothepacific said...

i LIVE for your recaps and thought of you on saturday when i spent a "magical" 6 hours with ben in san francisco {we have a couple mutual friends, i spoke barely 5 words to him but enjoyed nonetheless}. i heard the juice on what happens pre- and post-final rose and it's quite interesting.

on a sidenote, the reaction of the general public to ben in a wine bar was staggering...MULTIPLE girls brought single red roses just for the hopes of uttering the line "will you accept this rose" to him while frantically snapping cell phone pics. this bach franchise is quite the thing these days!

Kristin said...

As always we had some of the same thoughts. I'm glad you were annoyed just like me at Nicki's reasons of divorce. It seems like what she went through is what happens in a normal marriage and if she's looking for a perfect relationship she's going to live a life of loneliness.
I also busted out laughing at the Francine comment.

Julia said...

I LOVE your recaps. I was laughing all the way through last night and this.

Yeah, Uhh....WHO IS JAMIE!?

emily said...

love the francine comment as well. guess i wasn't the only one to watch that show. ha.

i just can't believe he went skinny dipping with courtney. how gross. have some class. if i was one of the girls back at the house, i would be so mad and leave. especially if i was the girl that he ended up picking! no one else needs to see my guy like that!!

kelly - can you please share? :)

kelly : pinetothepacific said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maren said...

I am no fashion expert, but I sure was glad you mentioned the one sleeved wonders.
Francine. Hee hee hee.

Emily Foley said...

So someone tell me, did Ben and the model have sex? My husband says yes for sure, especially since he felt so bad about it the next day, but I'm not so sure.

I was shocked he sent gingie home. Shocked! I can't believe he kept Emily when she STILL is bringing up Courtney. What kind of moron is she?

That chocolate bath was disgusting. That totally grossed me out.

My husband wants to know why girls are so upset going home (the jersey shore girl, can't think of her name, only had one date with him!). I told him it's because of the public-ness of it all, that it's more embarrassing than anything. Am I right? I mean there's no way she actually had feelings for him, she didn't even know him.

emily said...

@kelly - thanks so much. i already caved and read the spoilers, so i knew who 'won', but wondered what the pre-final rose ceremony drama was! :)

Jennifer Bowman said...

Love the recaps! Courtney is a slut and you are right, Ben wants to sex her so bad. I think that is about all he has with her, which won't last in the long run.

My husband thinks Nikki looks, talks and has facial expressions like Lisa Simpson! haha

Did you catch Courtney's "I bet he has never skinny dipped with a model comment" ???
Gag me!!

Jennifer Bowman said...

One other thing, I wish the girls would have found out about the skinny dipping ~ if I was on the show (for the right reasons) and found out about it, I would be outta there so fast.

I love Kasey B and I hope he doesn't pick her because she deserves much better!

@emily - my husband thinks they had sex too - haha

brandilyn said...

i wish so badly there had been a scene of ben trying to throw the rose into the ocean after his date with elyse that had gone like the scene in arrested development when gob tries to throw michael's mail in the ocean and the wind/tide keep blowing it back at him...that sentence is super jumbled, but hopefully you get the visual.

Libby said...

who the heck is Jamie?!? and why is Casey S getting picked every week, she never has any play time! and i am shocked Jennifer went home over Emily..if emily is this much drama now imagine how she'll be months/years down the road! my choice for bottom 2 is Casey B and Lynsi.

oh and i just googled why Casey S is crying next week..oy vey

Chelsea said...

Thanks for the idea of writing down everything people say while watching the bachelor. it's so funny to look back on. i'm so glad you are a fan!


Em said...

Holy freak, this just capped my entire day in happiness!!! LOL who knew strippers could play baseball?! The knot redeeming thing Courtney has ever said.

Em said...

*only, not "knot". Thanks auto text.

McCall said...

@kelly, can you let me in on some of your secrets? I'm dying to know what happens, and if the spoilers are in fact true!

Julie Weiss said...

I'm watching the show On Demand and they just went to commercial. Did you hear them announce that Emily Maynard is the next Bachelorette? So happy! :)

jane said...

Did anyone else notice the "goof-up" of the baseball game score board??? IT SHOWS The blue team WON!!!
whats up with that???

jane said...
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jane said...
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Emily said...

i watch the bachelor just so i can read your comments! crack me up! thanks for posting every week!

Ali said...

It is NOT my fault you are incapable of using the T.V. and setting recordings by yourself... Come on Nat. I've been able to do that since I was the age of watching Arthur. :)

cat.janer said...

Ging got booted because she got too bloated from the humidity. Ben hated it.

Jenn said...

Ok, next time you watch, I really think you should make a video such as this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9I3YNNI9bxQ

christine said...

So, for a different take on the Bachelor/ette you should totally check out Sweet Home Alabama on CMT. It's the southern version and it's rich: http://www.cmt.com/show/sweet_home_alabama/season_3/series.jhtml