Thursday, February 24, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
- can someone please splain why brad is in nyc?
- and with a jaunty hipster cap?
- is he in newsies?
- highs and lows and highs and lows !
- it sorta loses the romance when he puts the last initial after the chan/shawntal's names...
- "she's entitled to emotions. everyone is." woah brad, you certainly are tender.
- "i've never experienced these emotions before'... what like shame? and humiliation?
- oooh pensive and in the rain! nice touch, b.
- the shawn/chantals are really pretty girls.
- i'm gonna say shawntal funeral girl isn't gonna be around after this.... just a feeling.
- i don't remember seeing emily's floral ruffle bikini before... digging it.
- one would think he's gonna pick emily after that intro package.
- what. is. happening. with . that. scarf. is she a flight attendant?
- nice shade covering her muffin top.
- hudson jeans- good choice.
- satin shirt- never good on camera or on stage...
- cat lady. leave that detail out....
- awkward clenched fist on his thigh..
- oooh opening of the hand. they're warming up.
- how many shirts is brad wearing? 3?
- jiggy the pom lives at her house?
- oh no. cat dating?
- oh boy... all the animals.
- yeah, super "representative" of the life you, brad, 2 cats, and a dog would have. the whole menagerie.
- love the rich kid music at chantal's house. violin concerto?
- yes! her mom's named billy jo!!
- billy jo is a hottie!
- gorgeous house!
- billy jo has had a little work done...
- her dad looks like an osmond.
- this looks like a soap opera set.
- is billy jo wearing a bumpit in the back? or just a rat-a-tat-tat?
- if i didn't have my dad's approval, i'm pretty sure he'll cut me out of the will.
- dad's gonna regret sitting back on that sofa with the double chin happening..
- are they trying to prove who is more working class?
- that sculpture, while meaningful, would never happen in my home...
- are we watching a "penelope" sketch from snl? --they're trying to one-up each other with their personal struggles?
- brad has a man-crush on chantal's dad.
- chantal's mom matched her eyeshadow to her lipstick... and purple is not the color i would have chosen.
- good under-eye membrane white rimming, mama chantal. makes the eyes pop!
- oh wow! dad offers the blessing before getting asked.
- they're a really cute family.
- sweet parents.
- good hometown.
- poor ashley has been in the wind for hours- you know by that wild hair.
- are her eyebrows improving?
- 4 layers on b now? the man loooves a layer.
- what is that altar? oooh a chimney...
- nice hook-tastic boots, ash.
- "get closer to me" cute.
- poutin. best. ever.
- si? awesome. he's sweet and self depricating.
- i feel like ash mainlined espresso before this date. or coke.... hyper!
- i hate when people try to feed me. always awkward. i'm an adult. i can eat my own food.
- ashley is like a little spider monkey. she needs a xoanie.
- oooh sister and the tats.
- why are they all sitting at his feet like he's the Pharaoh?
- why is tat-sister the matriarch?
- she's sweet but shouldn't mom or dad do that?
- good, brad. nice correction...
- dueling plaid snap-down shirts.
- the fake flowers bring a much needed softness to the garage, don't you think?
- good.. she still needs to know more about him. thank goodness she's not a blind yes-er...
- ash could have pulled together a better outfit for this date... not loving the pajama t-shirt on camera. cute in life... not on tv.
- sister is really taking the reins.
- sweet family. lots of love.
- what? brad? she has dreams? you mean she won't leave everything and be your indentured slave?! (re-evaluate)
- couldn't ash have done her hair? really a pony? this is make or break, girl!
- "brad and i's relationship".... girlies, it's brad and my. MY! MY!
- oh no. is that real? seriously? oooh i love a good local commercial. that is awesome!
- the bach is such brilliant advertising! i'm sure every funeral home director is begging his daughter to go on the bach.
- why is she blinking so much? is she walking thru cremation fumes?
- another "brad and i's relationship"!!!!
- poll: how many people think i's is a real word?
- oh this dude is SO uncomfortable.
- love the harry potter cremation music.
- cute outfit, shawntal
- she's a gorgeous girl.
- yeeeah... this is pretty strange.
- he's freaking.
- noooo! don't get on the table.
- don't love the chunky pearl bracelet.
- walker, maybe you should date shawntal.
- the family meeting room is pretty tomb-like.
- she's a really sweet girl and so committed to what she does. bravo. but i'm not sure i could marry that.
- impressive that all of these girls have married parents! bachelor first?
- pretty sisters.
- does her mother speak?
- wooo woooooo... awkward. drop the "i'm not taking over the family business bomb" in front of everyone? eeps.
- ooooh she should have given the fam the run-down before this...
- ouch! her dad is intense! did he really just rub in the fact that she wasn't there for a friend's death? manipulation station!
- woah! pressure!
- yes, b. get mom liquored up!
- what if it's actually breakfast when they shoot this and they have to pretend to have a satisfying family dinner? it looks awfully bright outside...
- good girl, s. stand up to your dad.
- oooh those 42nd street sketches are to be rolled up and put under your bed. not framed and put on the wall.
- dad is not having this.
- he's lucky he doesn't have to do a brad-dad one-on-one.
- "shawntel and ME" in that tense, brad...
- she's a gorgeous girl.
- he's not feeling it. brads gonna send her home. mark. my. words.
- nice donkey booty!
- there's my girl. i love emily.
- que soaring bachelor music with the mother and child reunion.
- i was hoping brad would bring a barbie.
- does he really not know if he's gonna meet the kid?
- he's so nervous.
- how old this kid?
- she's a cute girl.
- not a barbie.
- brad and the awkward laughs.
- this poor baby would probably be totally normal if cameras weren't around.
- she is not giving him an inch!
- emily is such a sweet mama.
- sweet, brad. he's being very dear about this baby.
- mr brad. very southern. very formal.
- woah! sweet playroom!
- i heard emily's ex was the heir to a huge racing dynasty... girlfriend is set for life.
- oh i dig that emily. she's darling.
- brad! come on! respect is sweet but come ON! smooch her!
- how ironic is it that the mormon girl is begging him to lay it on.
- good girl. don't let him get away with it.
- really sweet that he's thinking he's doing the right thing. and now he's sweating...
- yes! kiss him! get it!
- he's smitten kitten.
- why is the rose ceremony @ the gansevoort?
- chris harrison, you are not my neighbor... please stop dressing like mr rogers. sweater vest is a no-go.
- ok. i'm feeling chantel (or HOWEVER you spell it) o & emily in the final 2.
- good brad! therapy has worked. make decisions based on how YOU feel.
- brad really is sweet.
- tragedy at the rose ceremony!!!!
- what is chantal wearing?!
- and ashley?
- emily is gorgeous. would love to get her out of the frosty eyeshadow but she's gorg.
- chantal needs her hair down. that dress is so horrifically unflattering-the worst cut for her body and the wrong fabric.
- horrible that it'd get down to chantal/shawntal.....
- did i call it or what?!
- walker, she's available!
- yeah, there was no spark btwn them and the dad was gonna be a huge problem.
- yes, lets go out here so no one can hear... except for all of america.
- awkward conversation with the girls.... eek...
- look at that gomer trying to get in the shot- running for a cab, etc...
- sweet car confessional... till she dropped the "treated me like a princess"
- please, ladies. tell me that's not your criteria for finding a man?
- what's happening with ashley's hair?
- south africa?! that'll be fun! we've already observed animals in the wild all season!
- sweet. more helicopters.
- i sort of feel like they're on the indiana jones ride.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
although, many days, it feels like i never left...
she is a fool... which is why we're friends.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
- do these r-tards need a dialect coach to say "anguilla"?
- why do they run everywhere baywatch style?
- i like how they're artfully posed on the lounger. nice levels, ladies. and they found their windows! impressive.
- russ- chris harrison is just cashing in on these vacations!
- i'd like to admit britt to an eating disorder clinic.
- miss emily is so darling... and slightly over accessorized.
- this resort looks lovely and makes me want to go back to jamaica, mon.
- oh hell.... another helicopter! how many has this been?
- "you do too much on our dates?!" why is this ignoramus taking credit ?
- ooph "what are you thinking" just got super awkie.
- this looks slightly miserable. they're boiling hot the wind is whipping and braddy is already toasty nosed.
- ladies, you should always tilt your head away from the camera when kissing a man so his nose gets squished and not yours... old theatre trick.
- something is awkward bout this date.... elephant in the room.
- it was nice of brit to match her yellow earrings to her yellow tank- 7th grade style.
- "brad and i's relationship?" really? go.back.to.high.school.
- that desert island seemed like a horror.
- i don't blame her for not wanting to introduce her kid on CAMERA....
- he's stupid if he doesn't respect that.
- i like her. she's not going to exploit her poor daughter.
- yessss! brad! he's such a rogue rule breaker! first he doesn't pick a lady and now he pre-gives a rose? what a stallion!
- did shawntal pick up that hippy skirt from a NYC street fair? then pair her white tank with a black bra? class and sass.
- is she on drugs?
- i can't jump rope: true confessions.
- brad is just so down with the locals!
- she's a pretty girl.
- yes, i'd love to sit in goat feces and sip a glass of wine... .oooh then eat poop colored cake.
- sorta looses the romance when he has to say her last initial at the end of her name.
- what is the difference between "feelings" and "true feelings" ?
- if i were the bach, i'd pick hometown dates based on sexiness of the location.
- chico would not be #1 on my list.
- i wonder if brad's dad is trying to get a hold of him now that he's a real big tv star.
- it was nice of them to co-ordinate wardrobe in varying shades of lavender.
- oh brad! you're so good with surprises!
- the most famous singer in anguilla, huh? that's fame.
- oooook.... i'm really starting to believe michelles odd-ball wack-a-doodle comments are totally and completely scripted. and she's missing serious judgement to deliver those lines.
- vim. the sparkly bikini! what is this spring break cabo freshman year? we saw a bunch of dum-dums in jamaica wearing those with their flotation device boobs. gross.
- oh brit. another matching earring set? at least you're predictable.
- i really like michelle's unicorn zit. ... or is that a bindi?
- i just had to watch that bird bite the dust 2 x's- hilarity.
- parasailing wakeboarding? cool!
- britt really doesn't want to get her makeup/hair wet, does she?
- she's milquetoast to me.
- there is no way in hell that i'd jump off that cliff.
- um.. no, dum-dum. you don't need to jump off a cliff "for your relationship."
- why do these guys get off on "conquering your fears?"
- does michelle say every thought that comes to her head?
- brit is pretty....and pretty boring.
- no sparks.
- "i'm not very good at showing emotion. i dunno if you can tell that." (brad steps on her line) "YEAH!"
- no urges? shocking.
- ooooph. talking about the weather!
- how did she get this far?
- "today couldn't have been better." oooh she's not getting it...
- ooooh he's already breaking up with her?!
- go brad! i like the honesty.
- she's not letting him off the hook!
- another broken rule!!! awkward! and awesome!
- look at the pa's scrambling to get an exit!
- perhaps it would have been a more positive outcome if brit had gotten rid of the polygamist hair? maybe a sassy layered situation?
- ooh the heartbreak music!
- ouch. she has to face the girls!
- oooph what fake sincerity! i can't stand crazy-eyebrows.
- ladies, if your ears poke out, or your nose is unusually large, do not pierce it. it will draw massive amounts of attantion. mark. my . words.
- yes, michelle. you do look all of those things.
- yes mj day in full beat!
- sports illustrated? yeah ... every woman in america wants to do that!
- crazy eyebrows is as flat as a pancake.
- ew. michelle is gross.
- yikes! that topless shell shot looks painful AND fugly.
- chantal is hot.
- i love that bikini...
- wait... did i see a hair situation?
- did michelle ever reveal that she has a kid?
- oooh yeah.. please give a car interview!
- uh oh! brad got so awkie.. he wouldn't even look!
- oh sure, michelle... you're so not the type of girl to do that!
- woof. michelle is a skank whore.
- i think chantal is naturally the most beautiful.
- veiny boobs!!
- is that a boob job thing?
- the natives are restless.
- brad looks like he's in the middle of the lion's den.
- i think your premonitions are right, b. this date is going to get a lot worse...
- nice dive peal-off shot.
- what are those green bevys? kale daiquiris?
- ashley has clearly adopted a new strategy- she's trying to play it cool and not look batshit and now he wants emotion.
- oh chantal, you wear the crochet bikini for the pic, but it's not to get wet.... crochet wet STRETCHES..... wooh woooh....
- the "i love you's" seem pretty drastic, no?
- why are those girls holding hands on the lounge chairs? is that going to be the bachelor twist unlike any before?
- "strong" and "volatile" woman.... yup. that sounds like michelle.
- chantal looks sort of marrion cotillard ish.
- nice tramp stamp, c.
- how did they not have to blur nip on that crochet bikini?
- "i'm showing respect. in a very strange way..." i like that, brad.
- these girls could use a makeup artist and a xanex.
- i love how the other ladies just lay around like lionesses waiting for their pack leader to call for them.
- yes, michelle! stank face! that'll make him want you more!
- holy crap. that bikini on chantal..... peek-a-nip
- can't those girls, slip into a sarong...sometimes a sarong is s'right... specially when your bikini bod isn't as tight as you'd like it to be.... hide those flaws!
- somebody give brad a valium, he looks like he's about to melt down.
- 3 broken rules in ONE episode? is this a bachelor FIRST or WHAT?! ( sarcasm )
- pull it TOGETHER, chantal!
- all the gals are a little casual for this rose ceremony, no?
- wait... is this the bachelor? or survivor... can't tell with all the tiki torches.
- that's actually pretty good of him to cut the blibbering idiot parade otherwise known as the cocktail party. brad is decent.
- i'm guessing he cuts crazy michelle.
- emily's maxi dress doesn't fit her boobs.. ladies, if your boobs can't fit in the cup, you shouldn't wear it.
- shawntel could have worn makeup....
- that lipstick was a terrible idea, michelle... too purpley/plum for your orange face.
- bam!!! i got it right!
- sayonara, crazy. can't believe you lasted this long!
- really? just two minutes of silence?
- wooooah those hometowns look awesome!
- doesn't shawntal's morgue situation remind you of that dude's dad's taxidermy revelation from last season?
Monday, February 14, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Ok Bach fans…..as soon as you begin reading this you will quickly realize this is not the professional post-game analysis you are used to. Apparently Nat “had to be away in Jamaica” so she asked me to be her “guest bachelor blogger” for the night. While you definitely won’t get the same insider view (im not FB friends with every bachelor/bachelorette hopeful from days gone by like our friend Nat) hopefully you will enjoy a few words from a very faithful (hate to admit I have probably seen every episode from every season) very Straight male.
Who doesn’t love to travel and more importantly who doesn’t love to travel with gorgeous people who don’t have to work and have incredible adventures planned and paid for but I have to admit I am getting a little sick of the miraculous metaphors of love on zip lines, rappelling sessions down the side of sky scrapers, helmets and harnesses on almost every date, exploring caves, and death defying NASCAR loops (shame on you producers last week). All the while hearing professions of love like the one from Chantel O on the zip line tonight saying “this is the perfect date for brad and I to get back on track” or “it’s a different position having my legs wrapped around brad…but something I am going to have to get use to.” By far the most classic quote of the night came right up front with Chantel O saying “I’ll see you on the other side nice and wet.” I could just hear Michael Scott yelling “That’s what she said…”
What was with Brad and the rain comments…..” does rain make you go faster,” “would I be scared in the rain,” “i'm taking that girl and the rose out of the rain….” and maybe the cheesiest line of the night “we aren’t rained out we are rained in.“ Straight to the suite….ridiculous.
But the cheese and hilarity of the metaphors were not to be out done by the continued craziness of Michelle “not so” Money. Who saw the insane stares she was throwing out, especially on the rappelling trip? I have to admit I love listening to the self proclaimed expert explain exactly why every other girl in the world is wrong from her man. I swear I thought she was going to cut the rope on half the girls as they leapt off the waterfall of love.
I have to say that I saw some glimpses of a brain in Brad‘s comments about Michelle tonight…“what I don’t like is when Michelle gets pissed off at me over nothing.” Props to Brad for not giving out a rose on the group date…everyone signed up for the show…everyone knows he is dating everyone…give the drama a rest girls!! But drama is what ABC does best.
Kudos to Brad for raining on Michelle’s parade a bit. All the “I am supposed to” and “I just know” sounds like crazy Utah Speak…haha (all you Utes don’t freak out….I am not hating…I lived in Utah for a few years and loved it) but I mean seriously, Michelle do you really “know” this is it…good for Brad for not letting that craziness go. So much for “taking matters into my own hands” give me a freaking break Money! To be fair, although Michelle does show signs of nuttiness, the Gestapo at the cocktail party investigating the meaning of certain comments seemed a little staged. Not to mention Chantel O’s profession of true love for Brad (how about that Betty Rubble Flintstones throw-back outfit)…did anyone else puke a little?
For me the most painful event of the evening was watching Brad break Ali’s heart….ouch! She seemed so nice and I think she was really thinking the date was going well…even though we were all feeling awkward watching it……I mean, Brad started into the “cutting you loose” speech and Ali was responding like he was throwing the I love you vibe out. Tough to watch, but a fairly graceful exit for both loosing contenders tonight.
While the producers may go over the top a bit on bringing people’s fears to the forefront just to be conquered miraculously on an amazing over the top date; they do know how to create situations that make us laugh, yell back the foolishness we are witnessing and even, on the rare occasion, think “wow…that would be pretty cool..” So, all you bachelor fans, cheers to Anguilla….and the sure certainty of more drama and entertainment to come!
2. You're right Brad, Costa Rica IS magical.
3. These resorts they stay at are insane.
4. Flip Cam in the airport, over it.
5. "I clearly did not grow up in a jungle" -thank you Emily. Duh.
6. This resort is unreal. I need to go stay there.
7. Why are these women always in lounge clothes? And they aren't even cute ones. Well, Michelle's Lulu top is, but shes worn it like 15 times an ep. I hope shes washing it.
8. Make him fall in love with you, Michelle? Make him? You are so crazy and controlling.
9. Why is Britt always in neon?
10. Yes Michelle, BE PATIENT. Take your own advice.
11. Is Chantal really ready to go on a date? Shes wearing an Old Navy tanktop and her hair in a butterfly clip. I dressed better than this when i WORKED on the show. You guys are on TV!
12. Not a flattering tank either...makes her look like she has a belly.
13. Emily's hair looks great and less barbie than normal. The jungle looks great on ya, girl.
14. Chantal does her makeup like a highschool senior.
15. Zipline. The outfit makes sense now. Sort of...
16. Yes, Chantal. Ziplining in the rain is just like a relationship.
17. I promise im not ALL negative, but men, stop wearing Polo shirts unless youre golfing or a father of 3.
18. Who is Alli? Seriously i hardly remember shes been around.
19. Wow Brad, thank you for getting out of the red polo and into that man shirt. Good choice.
20. Its not really a surprise that its raining in Costa Rica, is it?
21. Brads happy about the rain so he can get Chantal in his suite.
22. What the risky business?
23. This is ridiculous. He is in his "comfys" and he gives her a button down shirt and no pants? I mean hes got to have a pair of basketball shorts, right?
24. Chantal is pretty. There i said it. She still bugs me though.
25. Is it just me or is Michelle's hair the same color as her skin?
26. Love this latin music they are playing the background.
27. Repelling down a waterfall, huh? I'm not like Ms Adventure but that sounds rad.
28. HAHAHAH Michelle is NOT happy about repelling.
29. There she goes bitching about it.
30. Jackie looks like shes going to cry.
31. You DON'T look good doing it, Shawntel. You look like a ragdoll.
32. Those helmets look like batters helmet. And Jackie looks like the MVP of the softball team.
33. If youre going to be on the bachelor do you have to be afraid of everything? Is it a pre req?
34. Michelle is BEATING HIM. Her "playful" side is mean, not cute.
35. Hot springs. I wonder if they smell like the Hot Pots in utah.
36. LOVE Emily's suit.
37. Classy mouth blur, Michelle.
38. "Im just trying to make everyone feel happy, but its next to impossible" Yes Brad. Its impossible to take 6 women on 1 date and have it go great.
39. HAHAHA Michelle lounging on the rocks.
40. Ooooh Emily! You're sabotaging this!
41. Is that her makeup smeared all over or is she wearing a masquerade mask now?
42. Brad's huge cross tattoo is gross.
43. Seriously Alli? You're afraid of bugs more than ANYTHING? What about rapists and murderers and natural disasters?
44. They heard Alli scream from their date? Hilarious.
45. Good Brad. Call out Michelle. I think hes starting to figure out shes nuts.
46. Why is she wasting her time with Brad to talk about Chantal? That never works out ladies...
47. Now she goes in for the kiss cause she has nothing else to say.
48. Brad left that date pissed.
49. What if Alter means human sacrafice and Michelle kills everyone?
50. I don't understand why the ponies are along for the ride.
51. Its going to be a date that is covered in bugs, they always pull that crap.
52. How did they get the camera crew into this tunnel?
53. I actually don't blame Alli, the bats are disgusting, i would be freaking out too.
54. Brad says he will protect you, but if a bat bites you you'll get rabies and die, right?!
55. Those stairs in that cave are rad. Good thing they hiked in those candles
56. Fresno is probably the worst place to live in California...this chick better say yes to this poor gent in the purple sweater. HE WENT TO JARED.
57. They look like they are dining at the Pirates of the Carribean ride at Disneyland.
58. Alli is dull. She is also Jennifer Garner's younger BIGGER sister. But still pretty.
59. We're sinking and so is this date.
60. Hey EVERYONE braid your bangs. Its cool.
61. Alli, when you talk to Brad you should look into his eyes.
62. Just tell her its not there and cut it off.
63. She makes annoying crying, sniffling noises.
64. They just showed her age! How come they haven't shown the ages before now? Shes only 24, shes a young thang. Don't you worry girl, you will find someone else to sink with.
65. Ladies at the hotel, you just said you all thought she was going home, so why the gasps when they came to take her luggage?
66. Hola...and commercial. ITS MICHELLE!
67. And again, another braid. Inside out french braid only pulling hair from the left. Just in case you were wondering.
68. Is Michelle a matchmaker now? OOOOoooh i would love to hear what Patti Stanger thinks of her.
69. Is she unbuttoning his shirt? What the slut?
70. He loves her craziness. She is so manipulative but i dont think she thinks she is.
71. Chantal's dalmation/leopard dress is NOT flattering or cute. Someone needs to teach her to dress.
72. Back peddle Emily! He wants you!
73. Brad looks like a blond version of my Jr Prom date, Matt Anderson.
74. Michelle's dress is gorg minus all the weird straps.
75. You should be scared, M.
76. She is trying to manipulate him, but he ain't buying it!
77. He said 10 steps back, not just 2, sweetheart.
78. Chantal don't get Michelle started or she will pull out a knife and CUT A B. It's not safe.
79. Shawntel looks pretty and i love the cut of her dress but i wish it wasnt satin.
80. Silent game is for teachers to play with their 2nd grade students. This is dumb.
81. Tongue kissing on tv is yuck. I dont want to see anyones tongue. Especially when its touching another tongue. Yuck.
82. Good calling out Michelle...and yes she does say names and throw you ALL under the bus.
83. You keep it real, M! Keep it real!
84. Big L bomb, Chanty. Good for you, girl! Now go change out of that hideous dress.
85. Love of Sacrifice...how real and well put.
86. I think its going to be Jackie....maybe Brit, going home.
87. Emily may have the biggest, fakest teeth, but she is SO pretty.
88. Ashley gets the first rose? Huh? Eyebrows will forever bug me. Don't forget it girls, they frame your face! DONT OVERPLUCK.
89. I hope Britt gets a one on one next week that includes dinner, so we will atleast know she eats.
90. and Michelle FOR THE WIN!
91. Jackie, you're sweet. But thats about all you've given us.
92. I wonder what kind of art she does. Does anyone know her?
93. Just saw Shawntels shoes. LOVE THEM. NEED THEM.
94. Anguilla? Im so jealous.