Monday, February 8, 2010
Taking one for the team...
Hey Natalie fans, best friend DD here. Nat and I were having a good laugh on the phone today and she gave me clearance to share this wacky story from our touring days, some of the details are a little fuzzy all these years later but the gist of the story is all true....
A little background first, when you live your life on the road its like living in a small town, you travel the country with 65 other people and you're together ALL of the time. You go to work together and even stranger you live down the hall from each other in some twisted version of college dorms. In a normal life situation you would never see your co-workers 24-7. In this weird petri dish however, just like a germ culture, things grow overnight that weren't there the day before.
So back to the story, we worked with a guy named Bill*. Bill was both adorable and single but more importantly an all around great guy who everyone was friendly with backstage. On tour you rotate through different crowds of people and Bill was part of our "of the moment" crowd. One night Nat and Bill decided they were going to hang out in Nat's room and watch a movie. We do a lot of hanging out in each others rooms because short of the lobby and the hotel bar there is nowhere else to go after work in towns where the sidewalk rolls up. This is normal on tour - not normal at home - never invite a boy to hang out unchaperoned in your bedroom (CTR - people!).
Cute Natalie had no interest in Bill and innocently thought they were just going to watch a movie. There was nothing about her actions that should have encouraged him; I think she had on ratty old sweats and her hair was a mess from her show wig. Unfortunately it turned out that Bill had misread all of Natalie's friendly backstage gestures and thought that their movie hang was the start of "something" and this was his chance to "take things to the next level" (we hate this term - another reason why Nat and I are bonded for life). So there they are in Nat's room and suddenly it’s like the walls are closing in around her and there is not enough space for them both. If she sits on the couch, he moves next to her, if she moves to the bed he does too. I think he even tried the old "let me massage your shoulders" move. Done right massages are great, done wrong, what else can I say but, ICK!
Now knowing that she has to work with the guy the next day she can't just shove him out the door and lose his number like she would with anyone else who crossed her very modest boundaries. So that is where I come in. Out of the blue I get a text from her giving me the lowdown and asking for help. Now Nat and I are also bonded over ice cream and I know there are several pints in her freezer; with that in mind I wander down to her room and knock on the door...
"Hey guys, whatcha doing?" I say in my cheeriest voice as I walk through the door. Nat looks visibly relieved, he looks peeved. "I've come for ice cream", I say as I head to the fridge, "who wants some?" Bill shakes his head no and suggests that since they're in the middle of a movie maybe I want to take the ice cream and go. Instead I turn on the lights - ALL of the lights - and start rummaging in the kitchen. I make a big show of pulling out all the flavors and laying spoons and bowls out on the counter. I could tell he thought he would soon be rid of me when I state that the ice cream is frozen solid and proceed to plant myself firmly on the couch and say "so whatcha guys watching?"
Now Bill is the kind of guy who is used to getting what he wants and he is sure his charms have been winning Natalie over, that is until my unscheduled arrival. As I dig into to wait Bill becomes visibly and increasingly frustrated as his plans slowly unravel. To Bill's credit he fought a hard battle, I think at one point he even pulled Nat aside and suggested that SHE ask me to take the ice cream and go, but he didn't know that I was on a mission of chastity and that he was way out manned by me.
Bill finally accepted defeat and skulked home while Nat and I had a good chuckle over our bowls of ice cream. He didn't speak to me much at work after that, but there were no more movie nights in the Hill room so score one for DD and her fine c**k block skills, score zero for the pushy boy.
Ladies I hope you never find yourself in this predicament but if you do I hope your bestie will come to your aid.
ball and bat art found here