{ the bachelor } week 7

instead of looking @ the bach bozos, look at my friend kat (on the left) in her banana schpeel commercial which aired in nyc during the bach!

ok, so the ONE time i don't write a bach caveat saying i'm sure these girls are sweet spirits,
but we're poking fun of the characters they're creating, i get flack.
re-lax.
this is reality tv.
it is meant for our viewing enjoyment.
if you think this is how real life/love is, you have a bigger problem than finding funny moments in the bachelor.

that said, let's dig in:

• ali gazing at printed out photos of jake from the bachelor website.
  
• thinking on the rock . awkward.
  
• jake's "i didn't even know you were coming!" to gia. really ? you just "happened" to be standing on the top of the rock gazing out into the distance being recorded by a massive film crew?...
• again! the pucca rastafarian necklace? yikes. even seeing it's origin didn't make it ok.
  
• jake dancing! make it stop!!!
  
• the bro-pound by jake only hit by the local slapping his fist.
  
• i'm intrigued because you're so drop dead gorgeous". in it for all the right reasons, j.
  
• "one thing i do is put others ahead of myself." i threw up a little in my mouth.
  
• i cant handle guys who say "i'm the type of guy....". jake's "that type of guy."
  
• i wish they would have shown the awkward mount of the hammock.. anyone who has ever been on one knows it's the most awkie situation.
  
• seems that j only ever talks about g's gorgeousness.
  
• i feel bad for the guy who has to plant the rose petals in the fantasy suite.... that's a menial chore.
  
• "how will you pursue me in the real world?" great question, tenley. seriously. jake's unrealistic answer... "well, i'll take you to the caymans." not costco... the caymans.
  
• picnicing in a machine? pretty unromantic.. i'd rather do it at the beach.
  
• nice dance metaphor, tenley. you really are cinderella, aren't you!?
• the old "i've never done this before" re: the fantasy suite.... it was nice that jakie "respected her morals" by sleeping with her.
  
• magic editing again! wet hair/dry hair/ wet hair/dry hair.
• vienna's tat? what is it? a marlin? a grasshopper?
  
• love when she licked him and he said, "what are you doing?!"
• poor vienna... the up the skirt shot.
  
• jake flirting.... yikes.
  
• dear jake, please don't cry when you get to the top of the ship like when you melted down on the bridge.
  
• vienna's elf hair confessional. better than martha washington, i'll admit...
• her makeup reminds me of barbie and the rockers- purple shadow + hot pink lips.
  
• woaaaaah! the ring talk?! major. ew. i'm feeling like you spoilers may be right! yuck.
  
• is vienna cross-eyed?
• nice kiss instead of the "i love you too."
• no water features in vienna's dream suite? straight to the bed in the awkward 45 yr old lady lingerie?
• the ali phone call (tolja so...) lotta groaning.
  
• nice "get on the plane" teaser going to commercial breaks.
• definitely setting ali up as the next bachelorette, which is totally gross. didn't abc do a focus group? we DON'T want to see ali as the next bachelorette. she's catty and a bore!
• another lean-to..... this time, out the window for some fresh air.
  
• loved the 2-button down or 1-butt0n shirt decision in the mirror... he finally make the right choice. only one button open, fellas.
• nooooo! not a dancing flashback!!!! i don't wanna see that again!!
• tenley has great highlights. very aniston.
  
• eye patch moment was priceless. he deserves vienna.
  
• eek. the teleprompter messages are super contrived.
  
• gia, the baby voice and hidden eye pleading made me feel queasy.
• vienna and the confidence!! "hi sweetheart!"
  
• vienna crimped the hell-o out of her hair. i'm thinking it's because she's naturally curly (and fighting the humidity)with straight extensions.... can you believe i tried to find the method in that madness?
  
• v, suck it in or don't wear satin on tv.
• i like tenley's dress.
• tenley's flower was a good idea in theory, but clearly wilted by nights end.
• gia is the only one in the top 3 who knows how to correctly apply makeup.
  
• poor gia, vienna is a man.
  
• poor gia, we had to watch you sweat in HD. that was brutal

alls i can say is if jake picks v in the end, it will last approx 2 wks.
amen.